The Ebola Virus May Have Touched Down In Australia

The 25-year-old presented with possible Ebola virus symptoms after recently returning from the Democratic Republic of Congo. The Gold Coast University Hospital will remain open and, not unlike pretty much every hospital in Australia, has procedures and preventative measures in place to ensure the virus will not spread.

If you or anyone you know is worried about a potential Ebola outbreak in Australia, you are reminded to please chill your tits. The sun/heat destroys Ebola particles/vampires, the virus is only spread via bodily fluid and we are more than equipped to deal with it.

If you or anyone you know would like to contribute to helping fellow Homo sapiens who are less well-equipped, there are a number of super cool charities and research funds. For example, Doctors Without Borders are on the ground in affected areas preventing a further spread and just generally ensuring the continued survival of the mighty human species as they assume the mantle of Ebola Slayer.

UPDATE: The director of infectious diseases at the hospital, Dr John Gerrard, has said the “initial clinical assessment suggests it is exceedingly unlikely that the patient has Ebola virus disease, but he is being isolated in accordance with national guidelines.” Panic! At The Disco no more.