Sit yourselves down folks, for this be a tale of intrigue, dedication, resurrection, resilience and fortitude. A true Christmas story. In the Swedish town of Gävle lives a beast so revered that it has been brought to life time and time again in the face of adversity. A 13-metre tall, seven metre long straw goat.
Goats, as we all know, are magnificent creatures – capable of balancing on tiny edges of massive mountains, able to gnaw down your grass faster than it can grow and are fond of the occasional scream into the void (aren’t we all?).
The Gävle goat (or Gävlebocken) however, has faced more trials in its existence than any beast could ever survive. Brought to life every year at the beginning of Advent (typically the beginning of December) since 1966, the goat is a monument to Christmas.
But that will not prevent his timely destruction.
You see, it has become somewhat of an annual tradition to, well, murder the goat. Kill it with fire – literally. Bring the beast to its figurative knees with bursting flames of hellish orange and red. It’s more than just destruction. It’s tradition.
Over the course of its many lifetimes, the goat has been destroyed 37 times in a variety of ways each more creative than the last. But I shit you not, this goat is immortal and just keeps coming back.
He has been set on fire no less than 33 times, including one such occasion where his flaming corpse was subsequently tossed in the Gävle River in what I can only imagine was a deeply disturbing ritual.
He’s been burned by flaming arrows fletched by vandals dressed as gingerbread men and Santa. He’s been hit at full pelt by a careening greaser. Plots to destroy him have included hacking into the webcams surveilling the area, bribery of security guards and an attempted kidnapping by helicopter.
Just utter defilement.
He’s been fireproofed, guarded with fences, patrols, and now even a taxi rink stands nearby to increase foot traffic and dissuade vandals – but they will not stop. They’ll never stop. The town can rally against them but it’s more than just a game.
Bookies now keep odds on the chances of the goat’s survival each Christmas.
He has one day left.
Now, we wait.
