What’s that in the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s SUPER COLD! Friends, if you’ve been returning 1,000 negative RATS but still feeling like a ball of shit chances are you don’t actually have COVID. What you may have however is the brand new SUPER COLD that’s running around.

Yep, there’s a phat ass flu sprinkling its yuck yuck juice around Australia. Miss Rona has some nasty competition out there and I bet she’s PISSED.

The flu has been aptly titled the SUPER COLD, which I will be spelling in full caps throughout this entire story because it looks funny.

The SUPER COLD has symptoms similar to having the flu or COVID and lasts anywhere between five to 14 days. Some have described it as feeling worse than COVID while others simply identify it as a long-lasting cold.

Returning a bunch of negative RATS? You’ve got the SUPER COLD, baby.

“It’s similar to the symptoms of COVID; you get headache, aches, pains and a fever,” Sydney GP Dr Charlotte Hespe told the Daily Mail.

“A cold is a classic viral upper respiratory tract infection – irritable sneezing nose, lots of fluid from your nose, cough, sore throat, runny, sticky eyes.

“You may also get a sort of raspy cough but that’s it by and large.”

So basically there’s a whole charcuterie board of symptoms that could arise from having the SUPER COLD.

The main difference between it and COVID however is that the SUPER COLD will not give you a loss of taste or smell.

Should we be worried about the SUPER COLD? Of course not. Sure it may make you feel like the Grim Reaper after a three-day bender but we have to remember that barely any of us has built up immunity these past two years.

“We have less immunity against the flu now because we’ve skipped two flu seasons,” epidemiologist Professor Catherine Bennett told the Daily Mail.

“You might see fewer COVID deaths in winter because vulnerable people are actually more vulnerable to flu.”

Doctors recommend that if you feel any flu-like symptoms you stay the fuck at home. You don’t wanna spread COVID and you don’t wanna spread the SUPER COLD.

Stay SUPER HOT out there friends.