Someone At Fairfax Has Posted The Mother Of All Pass-Ag Work Notes

The second major restructure in as many years saw a whole heap of experienced, veteran journos take voluntary redundancies, and a mess of talented younger scribes forced out the door.

It’s a sobering period for the publisher, faced with the difficult task of adapting the business to compete in an increasingly digital-only media market.

Still, that doesn’t mean you can lob up to work and be a prize dick.

Someone at Fairfax Towers has apparently been sneaking food out of the break room fridge that absolutely does not belong to them. And apparently an additional someone has had it up to here *gestures neckward*.

Paul Smith, who is the tech, media, and telecomms editor over at the Fin Review, posted this outrageously passive aggressive work note that’s been tacked up on the fridge at Fairfax HQ. It’s artful in its pettiness. Walkey-calibre. A masterful manipulation of the genre.

The sheer effort to think of all the minute scenarios in which someone might put food in the fridge…

“its cost affective – that person has a limited budget”

I know they laid off a bunch of people but I didn’t realise Fairfax has literally no sub-editors anymore.

“They might work through lunch breaks – thus work very hard”

Those bludgers who bring food in and take a lunch break can go fuck themselves, clearly.

“Might be on a certain diet“

Food theft is a crime of opportunity and all but what kind of brazen jerk is swiping Narelle’s vegan sammich?

“so TODAY you have take away the chance for someone to eat ! !“

I don’t know what kind of totalitarian regime is in place at The Age but I’m fairly certain there’s at least a few non-work hours available in a day in which someone could feasibly chuck a mung.

But the real kicker here is reserved for the glorious red font. Cop this pearl of wisdom:

“If this was a fridge in a supermarket you would be arrested.”

I… you’re supposed to take food from a fridge in a… it’s not like someone else already bought the things in… what?

Stealing food from a fridge at work is base-level bastardry, but so is being a goddamned narc.

Words to live by.