Seemingly Deathless WA Pelican Refuses To Let Humans De-Knife It

On the off chance that this is reaching someone who doesn’t already intuitively understand that this is a terrible fucking thing to do: please, please do not stab pelicans. Much like most animals, the body of a pelican functions at optimum capacity when it isn’t impaled upon a large bladed instrument, and they are much, much better off if you just leave them the fuck alone instead of stabbing them.

I’m saying this because of a pelican (that I shall henceforth be referring to as ‘Beaks McFuck‘) spotted near Western Australia‘s Denmark River that is attempting to live its life with quite a large knife embedded in its chest.

As the ABC is reporting, Beaks has been spotted several times over the last week but has thus far resisted all efforts to rescue him. One tourist told the ABC that she got within touching distance but couldn’t quite get close enough to remove the weapon:

Initially it was a few minutes of shock to see that large of a knife in the bird’s chest and him still walking with it, so I initially wanted to help him.

I got close enough to the pelican’s tail where you can kind of rub him, but I didn’t get close enough to the chest part, which to be honest was kind of better because I’d say if I actually did try to pull it out, [due to] the size of it I would have just done more damage to the pelican than good.

Carol Biddulph from WA Seabird Rescue said that he was doing alright because the front of pelicans have a lot of bubblewrap-esque air sacs, and that he would likely be fine if they manage to treat him. Biddulph said she was disgusted but not too surprised:

[I’m] certainly horrified that somebody could do such an act, but I’ve been dealing with wildlife for nearly 20 years now and there’s some very strange people out there that like to do very nasty things to wildlife unfortunately.

The Department of Biodiversity, Conservation and Attractions is working in concert with WA Seabird Rescue to rescue Beaks McFuck. Members of the general public, however well-meaning, are asked not to try help him out, because it will likely only make it harder for professionals to approach him.

Just one last time: don’t stab pelicans. Thanks.