The internet has become flushed with curiosity after security footage of a poo jogger in Victoria’s Brighton emerged on Reddit. It’s always the wealthy suburbs, huh?
In the vid, what appears to be a woman just walks right into someone’s front yard, drops her pants and lets a Yule log out at break-neck speed. Before you know it she’s headed right on out like nothing happened.
So yeah, you can see why so many people are baffled over the vid. How was she so quick and efficient? What is her daily fibre intake? Were there no public bathrooms or bushes available? What the fuck???
You can watch the video for yourself below, but be warned, it is quite literally someone taking a dump on a driveway.
And naturally, the comments underneath this vid were a fkn riot. Here are some highlights from Reddit:
“I’m going to hope this is one of those mortifying experiences where they had no choice and not her usual behaviour,” wrote squirrelsandcocaine2.
“That’s disgusting and also impressive. Some F1 pit crew tier speed,” wrote jeremy-o.
“The country is healing. This is how we know everything is going to be alright,” wrote MaxSpringPuma.
Melburnians, you’ve been out of lockdown for a handful of hours and already you’ve got poo joggers returning to their natural habitats. I’m guessing a fair few of you are just sick of using the same bathroom over and over?
Anyway, I’m gonna go and find something a lot more hygienic to write about. I suddenly feel incredibly dirty.
People of Brighton, lock your gates. There’s a poo jogger on the loose.