Pauline Had Her Appendix Removed, Which Is Hopefully Where She Stores Her Racism

You might have noticed that Pauline Hanson was not in Parliament this morning for the censure motion against Fraser Anning, which she had previously said she was going to abstain from anyway. The reason given was that the Queensland senator was unwell, and could not be present.

Well, turns out she had an emergency operation to remove her appendix. I guess that’s valid.

She informed fans on Facebook, with a post which has frankly insane engagement:

Over the weekend I felt extraordinarily unwell. At first, I thought it was a case of food poisoning so I just took it easy.

I woke yesterday morning to continued pains in my stomach and decided to see a GP. I was told I needed further scans and blood tests and was taken immediately to the hospital.

Surgeons determined I needed an emergency operation to remove my appendix. I plan on being back on my feet tomorrow.

To this day, medical researchers argue over the purpose of the human appendix, and its purpose within the body. Though it is widely held that it is the vestigial remnant of a formerly useful organ in an ancient human ancestor, which may have once aided in digestion when we indulged in a more plant-rich diet, some scientists propose that it in fact still serves a purpose in the maintenance of beneficial gut flora.

There are even other theories which suggest the appendix is important for our immune and lymphatic systems, producing pathogens which provide defence against deadly diseases.

However, to date, no researchers have proposed that the appendix is the organ where racism and xenophobia is stored. Of course, that doesn’t mean the theory is totally invalid – inasmuch as I just made it up and it has not been subject to any actual scientific scrutiny – but unfortunately the likelihood that Hanson’s anti-immigrant beliefs were secreted from her now removed appendix is very low.

Hanson’s latest medical event is the second in a single week which prevented her from facing up to political controversy. An alleged tick bite stopped her from fronting the media after the Al-Jazeera sting which exposed One Nation’s alleged attempt to solicit donations from the National Rifle Association.

Though some on social media alleged the timing of the tick bite was mighty convenient, photos of Hanson days later seem to quite obviously confirm it was real.


So anyway. That’s why Pauline wasn’t present for the hour-long dunk on Fraser Anning.