Starved Of Locals, The Vile Montague St Bridge Is Now Consuming Tourists

Over time, local Melburnians have grown wary of the fearsome Montague St Bridge and its hellish gaping maw; a cavernous, omnipotent pit that mangles errant trucks with scant regard for human life or decency. But in our haste to shield ourselves from its ever-growing roar, we forgot to take care of those around us; those from the furthest reaches of the land. So consumed were we in fortifying our own backyards that we simply forgot to warn the nation of Monty’s might wrath. And sadly, it’s too late. That bridge – the awful, bloodthirsty bitch – has discovered a seemingly limitless new source of food.


[jwplayer Pze7hHAp]

Monty’s latest unwitting victim came in the form of an errant campervan that flew too close to the hellish beast’s rotten fangs at around 11am this morning, becoming bridge victim number number 115.

The errant, wandering vehicle, which tragically made its way down from Queensland before walking straight into its own demise in South Melbourne, became jammed under the roof of Monty’s godawful mouth, mercifully avoiding a complete mangling. Instead, it was left to presumably be dissolved slowly by the bridge over the course of several hours like a bloody four-wheeled Chupa Chup, which realistically could be a far worse fate; a callous, drawn-out consumption the likes of which we previously thought the bridge incapable of.

VicRoads showed little sympathy for the errant vehicle, noting it would’ve had to have blown right through 5 warning signs, a height-alert gantry, and several low clearance signs before perishing in the jaws of the beast.

For the rest of us, 2019 is seemingly the year in which the Montague St Bridge returns to full-time active truck consumption, following a prolonged sabbatical last year.

And if the bridge’s renewed attitude is anything to go by, this new reign of terror could be produce horrors the likes of which we’ve never seen before.

Authorities are on the scene dealing with the aftermath of Monty’s latest vehicular feast.

What remains of the van will likely be repatriated to Queensland for a proper burial.