Jessica Alba Does Esquire

Jessica Alba does Esquire Magazine! In Czech too! That means you can’t read the articles, but let’s face it, you probs wouldn’t anyway!

But in the interest of upholding my journo-cred I’ve invented my own interview with Alba, translated it into Czech dialect and then translated it back into English. That’s dedication baby.

“So, Miss Jessica, you have the baby now? We hope it to have great life and plentiful harvest.

Yes, baby fine, it come from belly of me and it had brought many hour of suckling at mother teet. My husband man has been absent at race course hunting dinner for family. He come back smell of wine and servix. We fight. I kick his face. It all laughs in end.

You has the new film, Love Guru, what was it like to work with the Powerful Michael Myers?

He is the one man I can know for life. He is a fun man. Not like husband. Husband leave house and family to go watch dog fight in crowded city. I pray his car careen into ditch. Is all laughs at end.

Indeed. Final question time, you were in film Honey, do you like honey?

Yes, honey is only friend. Never forget honey.”

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