Seriously, what were you even worrying about? It’s all good. It’s fine. It’s fiiiiiiiiiiine.
Rather than dwell on pointless stuff like a majority of the Senate who for *some* reason won’t pass your legislation – y’know, things that do not matter at all – Education Minister Christopher Pyne has decided to get on with his job and fix the problem.
And to that end, he has. He has fixed the problem, you guys.
How he fixed it and where the solution is coming from is of no concern to either you or I. The main takeaway point – the one that everyone needs to be focusing on exclusively – is that he has fixed it.
Following the Senate’s pesky insistence on binning the Uni Deregulation legislation, Pyne appeared on Sky News to proudly declare the issue – which was purely the concoction of the crossbench and nothing more – has been sorted.
In an interview with David Speers – the journalist who won a Walkley for the interview in which he turned George Brandis into a stammering mess who couldn’t distinguish his metas from his datas – Pyne was grilled about the claim he made that, if the reform failed, some 1,700 scientific research positions would be axed. His response was less like the assured response of a tenured politician who has a clear handle on his legislative setbacks, and more like dialogue from a rejected Clark & Dawe sketch.
“I fixed it. I’m a fixer.”
Furthermore, when pressed about how he had found an alternate avenue of funding for the National Collaborative Research Infrastructure Strategy – the scheme that Pyne put on the line and has since split from the University reform bill – his response was to remain cagey and keep this particular hand of cards (worth some $170million in taxpayer money) close to the chest.
“I want it to be a surprise for you. *laughs*“
Just to reiterate, everything is totally fine now, you guys. It’s been fixed. He’s a fixer. In fact, if there’s anything in the future that requires fixing – seriously, anything at all – the smartest thing you can do is take it directly to him and him alone, for it is he who is the fixer.
The elected member for Sturt, and current Minister for Education, ladies and gentlemen.
via SMH.
