In this day and age, with the daily news cycle perpetuating a constant cycle of outrage and misery, we find ourselves compelled to find joy in the simple things. And so, a story about a politician losing his job over a bottle of piss loses much of its gravity and becomes an entertaining snippet which can be distilled down to a reductive listicle (also, 
).
The $3000 bottle of 1959 Penfold’s Grange (we’ve been informed by an expert that whilst it was a good year it was not a great year, making the bottle expensive because of rarity rather than the quality and meaning the wine would almost certainly be off by now or so old and dull it would not taste sexy) ((www.ouch.com.au)) will go down in infamy as the grape that launched a thousand cartoon strips*.
In honour of Barry, and as part of a larger lesson on why you should never leave a thank-you note, here’s the top five times wine has led to downfall and disaster:
Barry O’Farrell
Questions Baz will no doubt be asking himself today include, but are in no way limited to:
. Was it worth it [let me work it]?
. Did I even like being 43rd Premier of New South Wales and Minister for Western Sydney? [whilst sobbing]
. ‘how much is 1959 grange selling for on eBay?’ [via Google search]
. Should–should I put my dick in it?
Lindsay Lohan
Babe, no.
George Plantagenet
Is George Plantagenet, brother to King Edward IV and Richard III, a well known historical figure? No, certainly not in the circles we travel in. But are we separated by enough years from his horrible death for it to become kind of funny? Youfuckingbetcha.
In 1478, due to plotting (specifically against his brother) and treason reasons, he was convicted and sentenced to death. At this time those of noble birth who were to be executed were beheaded because it was chic and in vogue and quick and whatever else BUT NOT GEORGE PLANTAGENET. That magnificent bastard (probably) had a reputation as a raging alcoholic and so was drowned in a large vat of Malmsey Wine. The silver linings playbook of it all being that Malmsey Wine was his most favourite of all the wines. Awwwwwww.
His Grace, Joffrey of the Houses Baratheon and Lannister, the First of His Name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm.
If wine, as a beverage, were to look back on its life and think of its greatest achievements one would surely be its role as vessel for bleeding-from-the-eyeballs levels of vengeance upon one of the meanest fictional royals in living memory.
The soundtrack to your satisfaction can be found in our Songs To Help You Process What Happened at ‘Game Of Thrones” Purple Wedding.
Peter Dowling
Now here’s a guy who likes wine. So much so that he plonked his dick into a glass to woo a lady because, romance. May we never forget former Ethics Committee chair/former Redlands LNP MP/noted ladies man Peter Dowling.
His undoing? His own hilarity and a txt captioned ‘He wanted a Red Wine …’ complimented perfectly with an image of his penis draped inside and/or over a glass of wine.
*BOOM*
And now you know where babies come from.
Title image by Dimitar Dilkoff for Getty via Photoshop
*Cartoon by Cathy Wilcox
