It is Thursday my dudes. Jim Molan is fucking shit up for the Liberals and the Nationals on a rabid quest for self completion, Bill Shorten is going full-hog for climate change (but not mentioning coal) and Scott Morrison is having a go, isn’t he. We have two more days of this mess and then it’s all over, baby.

Today started with the news that the unemployment rate had risen to 5.2% for the second month in a row. Unemployment remains stable, but the Australian dollar sunk below 69 cents for the first time in three years, on the exact day I had to actually transfer money to America. For me, it fucking sucks.

Both Bill Shorten and Scott Morrison had the chance to offer their final pitch to the Aussie voter, and both flustered in their own unique ways in a trend that is fast becoming more of a personality trait for the both of them. Shorten said he was serious about the climate change issues facing the world, and promised no other party was better suited to take on the challenge, but did not go so far as to talk about how shit coal is for the environment. That’s a tough one for him, with all of the possible votes tied up with the unions surrounding the coal industry.

“The nation’s door to the future stands ajar,” said Shorten, “And we ask the men and women of Australia to vote for change”

Shorten said the first thing a Labor government would do would be the restoration of Sunday penalty rates and making real action on climate change.

Elsewhere, in the holy chambers of the National Press Club, Scott Morrison spoke on what could be his last Thursday as Prime Minister of the country.

ScoMo used a bunch of ad speak and insisted that “now is not the time”. He also said some very weird stuff about what he’d do for Australia:

If Australians give me that opportunity on Saturday, they can be absolutely assured that I will burn for you every day, every single day, so you can achieve your ambitions, your aspirations, your desires.

Morrison said the election will be a close one, something the bookies don’t necessarily agree with: they’re already paying out winning bets for Labor.

All things considered, the Prime Minister was probably trying to deflect from a report out today that Australia hadresettled two Rwandans accused of murder as part of a deal with the US. 

There were fantastic questions asked of people strutting around Fashion Week, something I know nothing about. But there was one poor soul who said he wanted to vote “centrist” so would be giving Scott Morrison his vote. I guess ScoMo’s spin is working somewhere.

In the Victorian seat of Chisholm, Liberal candidate Gladys Liu refused to condemn her sister after she labeled Labor’s candidate a “mental retard and idiot” on WeChat. I’ll just leave that here.

And finally, if you were thinking of buying into any of those stories that always come out about how good internet voting would be, here’s some free advice: don’t. As online celebrity influencer Dan Nolan points out: “It doesn’t need to be on a fucking computer, don’t get mad just because you have to leave the house on a Saturday once every few years.”