Ancient prophecy foretells of an everlasting darkness that man can only view as such upon finally being bathed in light. That that which we know as “dawn” and “dusk” are mere mirages; affectations of a vain and vacuous population. That only the one true being of forever can unite the separation of the id, the ego, and the superego into the glorious, loving singularity that shall deliver us all from evil.

Long has humankind suffered needlessly, flailing wildly on a rudderless ship. Through thousands upon thousands of years of evolution we have pushed our genetic framework through a tight sieve, attempting gallantly to strain out all impurities in the hope of one day unlocking the true potential of our own framework.

And finally, after eons of pain, we found two specimens of such glorious purity that for the first time true hope soared in hearts worldwide. Though their lives may have been individual, their paths intertwined so intrinsically – like a perfectly symmetrical double helix – that their melding as one was inevitable.

Thus, as we have seen over this past nine months, the ever-growing glow between them has erupted as their soulful essences combined and the ancient Dance of Gaia was performed. A twisting, whirling dervish; the hum and pulse of the Earth; an elemental distillation of everything beautiful.

Today, the Dance is complete. The Crystal Child – the being of forever, a spawn of such immense and immeasurable kindness and humility – has arrived. The sun is finally rising. The prophecy has been fulfilled.

Today, dear friends, is a glorious day for us all. A glorious day indeed.

Or, to put it another way, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds had a baby. ‘Grats, kids!

Photo: Dimitrious Kambouris via Getty Images.