Nearly 15K Sign Petition To Drink The Unholy Juice Surrounding Those Mummies

In these trying times, it feels we could all use a refreshing drink to take the edge off: perhaps something unusual, aged for an enhanced flavour, and bearing a distinctive red tint.

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We are, of course, talking about the reddish sludge surrounding the three mummies recently uncovered from a mysterious sarcophagus in Egypt. And that liquid’s discovery has sparked one of the grossest (and most compelling) petitions in recent memory.

Just days after archeologists found those bodies partially submerged in the discoloured sewage water, nearly 15,000 people have signed a petition entitled “Let people drink the red liquid from the dark sarcophagus.”

Innes McKendrick, the petition’s founder, calls for local authorities to permit the thirsty masses to sup the liquid “in the form of some sort of carbonated energy drink so we can assume its powers and finally die.”

As the campaign gained momentum over the weekend, Egypt’s actual Ministry of Antiquities saw it fit to clarify that the liquid is not “juice for mummies that contains an elixir of life”, and is actually wastewater that collected in the enormous black casket.

However, McKendrick also issued his own update on the page, saying “please stop trying to tell me the skeleton juice is mostly sewage thats [sic] impossible everyone knows skeletons cannot poop.”

Really makes you think.

The battle is expected to rage on as archeologists work to learn more about the bodies encased in the sarcophagus, specifically how they lived and died.

We eagerly await their findings. Still, we can safely assume their successors did not bury them with the expectation that internet commenters would want to guzzle the filthy gunk surrounding their bodies centuries after their death.