Ranking A Bunch Of The Rock’s Movies By How Shitty-Good They Are

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson has a new film out, it’s called Rampage. The film’s based on a video game of the same name and tells the story of Davis Okoye (Dwayne Johnson), a primatologist who has an incredibly strong bond with a very intelligent albino silverback gorilla named George. It’s all very sweet until a genetic experiment goes seriously wrong and turns George into a giant. To make matters worse there are other enormous animals just causally roaming around and tearing shit down. It’s your classic The Rock film as he sets out to save the world.

It currently scores 50% based on critic reviews and 80% from audience scores on Rotten Tomatoes so it’s going as you’d expect. It’s a bloody action cheesefest but it’s also The Rock so you kinda still love it. The majority of critic reviews kinda repeat the same thing of big and dumb and fun while the audience reviews go along the lines of… the same thing but again, it’s The Rock, he’s the People’s Champion.

Even though Rampage may be kinda shit, it is doing way better than most video game film adaptions so there’s that to celebrate… unless it falls down the ladder.

Doom, was another game to film adaption that starred The Rock. Guns, guns, and more guns is the premise of the movie and it’s definitely something that came up on TV during the ol’ childhood. Critics absolutely hated it but people seem to like it enough… when they’re tipsy.

Doom replied to the shade.


Anyway, when you think about it The Rock has done a y’huge number of films over the year so here’s a bunch of them ranked by how shitty-good they are based on Rotten Tomatoes and my subpar taste in film.

The Tooth Fairy (2010)

WTF was this film? it was so shit and the only good thing about it is seeing The Rock in wings. It’s also got the most random plot line. Dwayne plays cynical Derek Thompson who’s this super-dudely hockey player with the nickname ‘Tooth Fairy’ because he’s such a beast on the ice. But then he makes a kid upset and has to be the actual tooth fairy to make everything better? Also Julie Andrews and Billy Crystal are randomly in this movie but it still doesn’t help anything.

The film currently has 18 per cent on Rotten Tomatoes.

Baywatch (2017)

Baywatch is such a hot mess. It copped a Razzie so that’s all you need to know, really.

Baywatch also has 18 per cent on Rotten Tomatoes.

G.I Joe: Retaliation (2013)

Again, more guns with Channing Tatum and Bruce Willis. 

This is slightly better with 29 per cent on Rotten Tomatoes although the audience seemed to prefer Baywatch.


Hercules (2014)

This was randomly on Netflix so people watched it and experienced all the guts and gore. There have been so many remakes of this demi-god’s story so I’m sure you can figure out the synopsis yourselves.

Hercules has a 59 per cent scoring on RT which is just shy of a solid Credit.

San Andreas (2015)

In classic The Rock style, this film was big on the action and CGI but damn it, it was good. Still shitty, but good. As you can guess by the title the San Andreas fault triggers causing a ripping magnitude 9 earthquake. Dwayne once again saves the day as Ray Gaines, a helicopter search and rescue pilot who risks his life to rescue his sorta ex-wife and daughter.

Critics feel the same way because it currently has 50 per cent on RT. Yeah, it’s ranked lower than Hercules but San Andreas was slightly better in my expert opinion.

The Mummy Returns (2001)/ The Scorpion King (2002)

Bloody loved this film, bloody loved Brendan Fraser in it. If you don’t remember this blast from the past, The Mummy Returns is the second in the series. In as a little words as possible, creepy Imhotep gets resurrected, kidnaps the kid ‘cos he’s nosy and put an ancient bracelet on, and Brendan has to go rescue him. The Scorpion King gets woken up and even though this is way toward the end of the film it was such a treat to see The Rock in it.

The Scorpion King was kinda the spin off and told the story of how The Scorpion King came to be. It was pretty cool albeit very shitty.

The Mummy Returns has 43 per cent on RT but I don’t care.

Quality CGI.

All His Fast & Furious Films

This gets bonus points because The Rock had some major feuding with Vin Diesel. Two of the most supposedly friendly giants ever in a verbal fight? Unbelievable. But anyway, Dwayne told Rolling Stone they hated each other so much they didn’t film any scenes together.

That aside, the Fast & Furious series are just a car movie staple and The Rock joining the cast was an absolute treat.

The Rundown (2003)

Childhood favourite that is all.


Central Intelligence (2016)

Actually pretty damn good. Even if you found yourself hating the film you can’t deny the on-screen chemistry between Dwayne and Kevin Hart. 

When it comes to RT things get interesting. Critics have it at 70 per cent while the audience have it at 61 per cent which is a first since the audience usually rate the movie higher than critics.

CI is also available on Netflix if you’re keen.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)

So dumb but somehow so good even if it pains you to say it. The film’s copping a sequel according to Dwayne ‘cos people liked it so much.

Special shout out to Jack Black acting as an adolescent girl trying to pee with a penis for the first time.

Welcome to the Jungle’s currently on 76 per cent as rated by critics while the audience gave it a mammoth 88 per cent.

Moana (2016)

Not even shit, not even good – just bloody amazing. Love Dwayne singing/talking with a tune and giving tribute to his heritage. Fab movie, fab voice-acting, fab, fab, fab.

A whopping 96 per cent rating by critics and 89 per cent from the audience (um, rude).

The eyebrow.

Rampage is in cinemas now.