‘Dirty Dancing’ Copped A Shithouse TV Reboot & It’s Getting Absolutely Rekt

We’re firmly in the age of the remake: Blade Runner, It, TMNT, Alice In Wonderland, The Lion King, Splash, Baywatch, Tarzan – it’s like every moderately successful film from pre-2000 has either already been rebooted or is being frantically rehashed. Not everyone is stoked on this trend, obviously, because not every remake can be Beauty & The Beast. 

Some of them have to be Dirty Dancing. 

Why anyone would attempt to reboot Dirty Dancing, one of the most iconic films of the 1980s (and featuring the eternal treasure of Jennifer Grey’s original nose), is anyone’s guess. Particularly considering the disaster that was 2004’s Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, which even the extremely hot Diego Luna couldn’t save from being a terrible fucken idea. 

But they did, and it is a shocker. Starring the zero-chemistry combo of Abigail Breslin and a human man whose name is actually Colt Prattes, the straight-to-TV remake, courtesy American network ABC, is copping so much shade from the good folks online that it’s a miracle anyone can see it at all. 

Dirty Dancing Havana Nights: We completely ruined Dirty Dancing

ABC: Hold my beer.#DirtyDancing

— Lucy on the Ground (@lucyo21) May 25, 2017

Watching the dirty dancing remake like #DirtyDancing pic.twitter.com/uXI4UtHz2N

— Vincent Mercurio (@VinMercurio) May 25, 2017

And now, the judge’s scores #DirtyDancing @DancingABC pic.twitter.com/qrRdscvVfU

— Jordan Stefanski (@SirSassquatch) May 25, 2017

The Original vs the Remake #DirtyDancing pic.twitter.com/U8XzsP6o0G

— SAMO_Basquiat (@SAMO_Basquiat) May 25, 2017

It’s like the epitome of a Pinterest fail. #DirtyDancing #nailedit pic.twitter.com/w4TLXDPGVo

— Stacey Nasser (@s_nasser20) May 25, 2017

Al Roker did a better job #DirtyDancing pic.twitter.com/KU4SpvsZcZ

— MiSomnia (@FreyaWalnuts) May 25, 2017

For all the young girls watching #DirtyDancing for the 1st time tonight. Please go rent or stream the original. Trust me. pic.twitter.com/t1HSZNJ7F0

— KristinDeLuciaMorgan (@kmorgan76) May 25, 2017

Please put baby in the corner. Turn off the lights. Close the door. And never look back. #DirtyDancing

— Reese (@NY2Pgh) May 25, 2017

Basically Baby in the final dance scene #DirtyDancing pic.twitter.com/pHkrurRDg8

— Carina (@riskycookie) May 25, 2017

No-one is having the time of their lives on this spin ’round the d-floor. Stay in the corner, ABC. You know what you did.