Australian mining magnate, ex-politician, and technical human being Clive Palmer, has shared with the press two of his upcoming business plans: a new social media platform, and a second Titanic. Finally giving confirmation to what many folk have suspected for a long time, that billionaires are actually a joke.
Any long-time followers of Clive would know that his plans to build a second Titanic are hardly new, dating back to 2012 when he first floated the idea of the project. The billionaire has dropped the project twice now, once in 2015, and again in 2022 after he restarted it in 2018.
Like everything else that comes out of his mind, the Titanic II is a simple plan. Basically, Clive wants to build a scale replica of the original unsinkable vessel, and sail it from Southhampton in England to New York in America — without the ship sinking, of course.
When asked why he thought his third attempt would be more successful in completing the laughable building project, Clive responded that it would work this time simply because “I’ve got more money now”.
According to the Guardian, Clive then admitted in front of the press that if he were to die he would have “done nothing”. So it’s nice to know we can agree with him on something.
The 69-year-old then declared in the sort of way that sounds like a man having a late-life crisis that he “could do the Titanic. I’m gonna do it.”
“It’s a lot more fun to do the Titanic than it is to sit at home and count my money,” stated the billionaire.
I assume it’s also more fun to do a Titanic than it is to use his unholy wealth to improve the state of the world in any way beneficial for the common human, like investing in clean energy or solving world hunger.
But like Elon Musk, Jeffrey Bezos, and all the other idiotic billionaires before him, Clive gave a big “fuck that” and decided to go off and play with fancy toys instead.
By Clive’s estimates, the Titanic II will cost him between $500 million and $1 billion.
So hopefully this means he doesn’t have the budget for the hundreds of millions he would usually spend on political donations and election advertising.
However, that wasn’t the only zany pipe dream that Clive unveiled to journalists.
In an interview with Crikey, Clive also shared his plans to dabble in the other space that billionaires flock to for some reason:
Social media.
Clive admitted he has ambitions to develop a brand new social media platform that was designed for Australian users.
“It’s similar to what you’ve got on Facebook, but about Australian things, for Australians. It won’t be censored, whether it’s left or right or whatever — everyone can put what they want on there,” he told Crikey.
This project might even come sooner than you think, with Clive already registering the trademark for the name of his social media site: Ausface.
How original.
What is the deal here? You get a billion dollars and suddenly you want to own a social media platform?
Clive I’ve seen what you post online. I promise that creating a brand new platform from scratch is not going to suddenly bring you online popularity.
Just because Elon bought a social media site and proved he was a massive tool doesn’t mean you have to as well.
Unless, of course, proving you are the biggest tool is your goal — in which case go ahead.
All we can do now is hope that Clive Palmer is one of the passengers on the Titanic II’s maiden voyage… and trust that history always repeats itself.
