A mystery new Ketamine derivative has been discovered in Canberra and its effects on the human body are said to be as unclear and potentially dangerous as living in the ACT is.
The new drug has been called “CanKet” by those who discovered it at Canberra’s pill-testing service CanTEST Health and Drug Checking. CanTEST is Australia’s first pill-testing run by the government, and although it only opened in August it’s already been finding some pretty weird shit.
According to ANU’s Associate Professor Malcolm McCleod who is also the Chemistry Lead at CanTEST, the new drug is just like Ketamine except with entirely different side effects.
“We have a couple of techniques on site to test for ketamine and we can be really sure of the results,” he told The Guardian.
“It was clear this wasn’t ketamine, but rather a ketamine-like substance.
“That’s why we have called it ‘CanKet,’ as in Canberra ketamine.”
There is no substance in the world that would make me loopy enough to name a drug CanKet. Ketberra was right there. Canberramine? Come on!!
According to McCleod, this is the first time any drug-checking service has discovered a brand-new drug. Only Canberra could produce a toxic new substance never before seen by scientists. There’s something in the water at Lake Burley Griffin.
“It’s so new we just don’t have information we can provide to people about this drug,” McCleod continued.
“Nothing is known about the clinical effects on the consumer, and being something new, we urge caution. You can make quite small changes to a drug and see quite dramatic changes to its effects.”
McCleod confirmed that the team at CanTEST sent the new ketamine over to both the UN Office of Drug Control AND the European Monitoring Centre for Drugs and Drug Addiction and neither had ever seen this mysterious new drug.
Friends, this means that this drug has potentially never been inside the walls of Berlin’s Berghain. What the hell is it doing in the hands of the seven uni students and government workers who live in Canberra? Are folks taking CanKet at Mooseheads?
A spokesperson from the Australian Criminal Intelligence Commission told The Guardian that the organisation is working to get as much information on the new drug as possible, as its side effects could be potentially harmful, especially when folks are taking the drug and expecting it to work as Ketamine does.
“My suspicion is that this is produced overseas in a jurisdiction where the laws around the production of chemicals like this are not prohibited yet,” he said.
“I think it’s important that we keep the community safe and this shows the value of pill-testing services in doing that.”
If you get offered Ketamine in Canberra, maybe think twice about saying yes. Also, get out of Canberra, it’s probably more harmful for your body and mind than any drug on this planet.
