Old People Are Reportedly Getting High By Wrapping Their MDMA In Brie Cheese

You might think old fogues are just sitting at home, watching Wheel Of Fortune, wearing head to toe Millers and judging the youth for their wild ways – but you’d be wrong.

At least, if this report is proper legit.

According to Metro, British folks around the age of your parents are getting on the Warwick Cappers – they’re just taking it in an incredibly elderly fashion.

The site spoke to a 50 year old British woman who claims she and her mates regularly get on it, just in the comfort of their own home… after a dinner party.

‘We did not seem to have as much of a laugh than as when we were younger, there always seemed to be barriers up between us,” she told the site. ‘So, one of our group suggested we all take MDMA together so we could open up to each other and improve our friendships.’

The woman procured the ~illegal substance~ off a friend’s son, but the gang weren’t sure how to actually take the stuff.

I phoned my son who told us not to sniff it but to swallow it, so we wrapped some of the powder in a cigarette paper and put it in Brie and all took some each.

WHAT A FUCKING GENIUS. Honestly, I wish we could hide everything in cheese. We used to hide my dog’s medication in cheese to make her eat it and frankly I have a good mind to do that with my contraceptive pill now that I’ve heard about this magic concept. Because there is never a bad time to munch some brie.

Naturally, they all got high as shit.

Nothing much happened for forty minutes then then the colours in the rug seemed to be a more vivid and before I know it was in an in-depth conversation about my fantasy sex life with an old friend. It was such an intense experience. I am sure most of us at that party have done it with other friends so now wrapping MDMA in Brie seems to be a thing now.

I will tell you this much for bloody free – I am absolutely not slipping my mum a cap in some cheese and then listening to her wax lyrical about her fantasy sex life. NO THANK YOU MA’AM. DO NOT CONDONE.

Unless this lady is delusional or was interviewing while on the MD (I mean, there’s a chance), she started a trend, because now “brieing” (good lord, no) is a thing happening in middle-aged Brit circles.

A year later and I have been invited to ‘brieing parties’ and people seem to think it was all grand design but I assure you it was not. It is such a middle class way to take drugs, that is probably why it has taken off.

Honestly. The oldies are having a lot more fun than we are and that is le fact.

Forget about the illegal drug use – I am more concerned that I am not constantly attending zesty dinner parties where I am plied with expensive booze and eating brie that probably came from a deli and not the “almost expired” section of the Coles fridge. WHAT LIE AM I LIVING?

We are not on our A game, youths.