Bastion of failsafe academic rigour and bane of every student’s existence, The Board of Studies, confirmed that a technical glitch has resulted in 160 students receiving their long-awaited HSC results days before the final scores that will irrevocably determine the rest of their lives are released.
The ABC are reporting that the glitch has come as a shock to the fragile, unsuspecting youths who are reported to be under enormous stress as they await their results but are more likely having an awesome obligation-free time of their lives and chilling the fuck out after a year of taxing mandatory assemblies [the worst].
To further compound the anxieties of a select few, the results received by the lucky recipients via SMS are not final and students will still have to wait until Wednesday before their lives are changed FOREVER by the correct four digit number.
After what will no doubt go down as the year’s worst drunk texting spree, The Board of Studies is believed to have sent a follow up TXT MSG saying, ‘OMG I dnt no wot 2 say rite now. I’m feeling a bit siq about this. No. I’m so sry about this. OMG I dnt no wot 2 say. This is a complete accident. Sry that was Amanda who sent that, not me. I’m so sry, it was fed 2 me wrong. This is what happens when u have SMS HSC results folks!!1 I’m so sorry, this is insane, insane, insane, insane. It’s #ridic. How could this happen? OMFG. ¯_(-_-)_/¯ [smiling turd emoji]’
SALMAT, the company contracted to provide the SMS notification service, say the issue has been resolved, but the damage is done. No doubt SALMAT will soon be receiving the Granada treatment.
As compensation, students who were told they’d won the HSC but really didn’t (because no one ever truly wins) will receive a $25,000 runner-up prize from Foxtel, a trip to New York to meet with representatives from Elite Model Management and an eight page spread and cover of Harper’s Bazaar.
