April Fools’ Day Is the Worst Ever, But Here’s Some Gags That Didn’t Completely Suck

Okay so April Fools Day is the worst thing ever, because people that are supposed to love you, lie to you and when you realise that they lied to you, they laugh at you and your foolishness. It sucks, and as John Oliver said, just ‘don’t be a dick’.

But, some companies in the world did a reasonably good job with their April Fools Day gags – there’s Daschunds, ducks, and some brand new political parties involved – so here you are: a list of April Fools Day gags that didn’t completely suck.

8) EatNow decided to play on people’s crushing loneliness, which is a bit of a dick move, but this day isn’t about being a morally good person, amirite?! They advertised a new service, which combines takeaway food and a dating service. When you order takeaway food for one (because you are pathetic and lonely), EatNow will set you up with someone who is also pathetic and lonely, and likes similar takeaway food to you. Not sad at all, not one little bit. 

7) Bill Shorten announced via his Facebook page that Tony Abbott had slashed $50 billion from Australian hospitals and health initiatives, so he was going to launch a health campaign to help us cope. ‘An Onion A Day Keeps the Doctor Away’ will raise awareness of the health benefits of raw onions, and will also try to bust the myth that onions are best consumed cooked. (Bloody hell Bill, Tone really does the work for you, doesn’t he…) Shorty got a lot of people with this one though – the comments section on the Facebook post will make you want to ~headdesk.gif~

Tony Abbott has cut more than $50 billion from Australian hospitals, threatened a new GP Tax and slashed funding for…

Posted by Bill Shorten MP on Tuesday, 31 March 2015

6) Who actually understands why Heston Blumenthal does the things he does? No one, really. So it made total sense when Gourmet Traveller announced that Heston was changing The Fat Duck’s menu to be all-duck. Every dish. Just duck. GT even went to effort of listing menu items, and explain how Heston was going to adapt them to be just duck. They had a lot of people until they mentioned that ducks were going to deliver some dishes to tables, and then the gullible readers kind of went ‘Ewww that’s a bit cannibal-ish, isn’t it? Ugh, gross… Oh wait.’

5) Google making Maps into PacmanWe’ve already posted about it today, so we won’t re-explain. But damn, it’s pretty great. And really helpful for procrastinating. Google also announced Void, a website that allows you to delete your accounts (it doesn’t work so good, it’s scary stuff), and a service that allows you to see the ‘most popular spam’ that other people get (annoying). Oh, and Google Panda (Yes, that’s your own portable panda). Does anyone at Google actually do any work?

4) Docsend announced it’s new service – physical delivery by daschunds. Because America says daschund really weird, it kinda sounds like the company name. GOOD ONE GUYS, now I’m super sad that my mail doesn’t get delivered by miniature dogs 🙁

3) NT News announced via Twitter it was going to stop tweeting everything in capital letters, and it was also going to stop writing about crocs and will ‘ pick up the slack of serious media outlets who have lost their edge.’ What would we all do without the NT News tbh. Love you guys; don’t ever stop doing you <3

2) The Australian Sex Party and the Shooters and Fishers’ Party announced today that they are merging, under new party name, ‘The Sex Pistols’. They have policies regarding BDSM gear being compulsory while hunting, and it also being compulsory to bring a shotgun into parliament. “I am excited that the Sex Pistols have formed,” said Jeff Bourman. “I couldn’t think of a better marriage than that of pellets and porn.”
“It’s true,” added Member of Legislative Council, Daniel Young. “Bullets and bongs are just natural bedfellows.”

I’d probably vote for them tbh.

1) Last but not least, a big round of applause for the Vegemite team, with the announcement of a 50m tall Vegemite being erected in Melbourne. They got a fair few people – most were really stoked that ‘Straya was getting another ‘big’ landmark, and this time it’s the most iconic Australian food of all. There was even a scattering of anti-halal comments, from angry people who think the giant Vegemite will somehow directly fund ISIS by being Halal certified *eyeroll*

But we mainly had to give them the number one spot, because they got us – they got us good. Onya Vegemite.

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