2017 has raised my eyebrows so intensely and so often that they are completely incapable of lifting anymore, such is the muscle fatigue that this batshit, baffling year has inflicted on them. While nothing should really surprise anyone after the US voted to elect a TV-addicted reality TV show host who couldn’t fuck his way out of a wet paper bag, it was still perturbing that Republican voters in Alabama appeared determined to rally behind Roy Moore, despite numerous allegations of sexual misconduct with women and further sexual misconduct with underage girls.
Despite considering themselves the sole gatekeepers of morality and ‘good Christian values’, the GOP was remarkably unfazed by the allegations against Moore. Outside of a $100 donation from a Republican senator to the campaign of Moore’s Democrat opponent, Doug Jones, it seems the Republicans weren’t going to let something little like alleged child molestation stop them from putting him in the Senate.
It appears it was all for nought, though, with the Republicans sacrificing the last vestiges of their principles and their dignity to back a man that has, according to the New York Times and the AP, lost this particular senate race.
With 98% of votes counted, the results put Doug Jones ahead with 49.5%, followed closely by Moore at 48.8%, with the remaining coming in as write-ins. This is obviously a very close margin, but considering that in 2014, the Republican candidate won with a fucking redonkulous 97.25% of the vote, it’s a pretty good win for the Democrats in the famously ultra-conservative state.
If you’re curious about the level of campaign Moore was running with, please, please watch this mortifyingly funny video of Moore’s campaign spokesperson being told on live TV that you don’t actually have to be sworn in with a bible:
Roy Moore campaign spokesman responds with silence when asked if he knew people can be sworn in with a text other than the Christian Bible https://t.co/DhBDWkbIaz pic.twitter.com/OX5CmSxl5O
— CNN (@CNN) December 12, 2017
Moore made headlines recently for offering up the utterly unassailable argument that one of his attorneys “is a Jew“ in response to accusations of anti-semitism. Stay classy.
The NYT is reporting that the loss of this seat reduces the Republican senate majority down to a single seat, which might explain the mood in the room.
It has gone absolutely silent at Moore HQ. pic.twitter.com/ScGxtILVLO
— Andrew Desiderio (@AndrewDesiderio) December 13, 2017
We will leave you with the Onion‘s take on this, which we absolutely cannot endorse for defamation reasons.
Roy Moore Retires From Politics To Spend More Quality Time With Someone’s Kid https://t.co/4wFS8Vn11u pic.twitter.com/HrmZMAE1Nv
— The Onion (@TheOnion) December 13, 2017
