17 Moments In Pop Culture That Prove 2016 Was Utter Shite

The pubic mourned for Bowie like they did for Princess Diana, and it was a truly grief-filled, though colourful, way to kick this year off.

2. And An Onslaught Of Celebrities Followed Suit

And in very quick succession, too. Alan Rickman (February 21), Prince (April 21) and Muhammad Ali (June 3). All beloved, all taken too soon.

The BBC‘s obituary editor Nick Serpell even crunched the data to prove that yes, more celebrities were dying this year. Before 2016 was out, we also saw the deaths of Gene Wilder and Leonard Cohen. Honestly, fuck you 2016.

3. Pokémon GO Was A Giant Disappointment

We’ve been crying out for our own IRL Pokémon adventure ever since Ash Ketchum slept in and got dumped with an OH&S-risk Pikachu. Then we got Pokémon GO in 2016. And boy, did they ever screw us over.

Stacked gym battles, ill-conceived ‘footprint’ methodology of finding Pokémon, every street corner being the Mt Moon of Zubat appearances… and let’s not even get started on gas Pokémon appearing in a Holocaust museum.

Last we heard, Niantic were trying to entice players back with the supremely useless Togepi. Lol okay, good luck with that.

4. Harambe Was Shot & All We Got Was This Shitty Meme

On May 28, one news story captured the attention of the globe: a kid fell into the gorilla enclosure at Cincinnati Zoo, and as a result, one of the gorillas was shot and killed.

Little did the zoo keepers know, back then, that Harambe would continue to live on in the meme that absolutely refused to die. And hey, we are all guilty. Every single one of us.

The good news is that as 2016 hurtles to a close, we appear to be done with the Harambe meme for good, and can let his beautiful soul rest in the afterlife, and stop suggesting Harambe McHarambeface every time an earwig needs a new name.

But as one final goodbye… sighs, unzips… Alright fellas, dicks out for Harambe.

5. Leslie Jones Was Trolled Off Twitter For Starring In A Fucking ‘Ghostbusters’ Movie

Photo: Getty / Frazer Harrison.

We’re not going to debate the nuances of a female-led ‘Ghostbusters‘, because honestly that’s been done to death and we could be here all week.

But if there’s one over-arching theme of 2016, it’s that bigotry went mainstream, which sadly included a comedian being run off Twitter for the heinous crime of starring in a movie.

Leslie Jones quit the bad website (briefly) after Milo Yiannopoulos-led goons tweeted an endless stream of racism and misogyny her way. It was a dark, horrible time on the internet that we didn’t see again until the next round of trolling, which was… when was that…? Oh yeah, every single day of being on the internet.

6. Sonia Kruger Wanted To Ban All Muslim Immigration

Oh wow, remember this? Channel 9‘s Sonia Kruger said on national television that we should stop allowing Muslim people to enter Australia because she wanted “to feel safe”, which was one of the most bigoted, sweeping statements said on Australian TV this entire year. Or possibly that week, it’s hard to keep up with Racist Australian Broadcasting™.

She later defended her comments on Twitter, writing that: “As a mother, I believe it’s vital in a democratic society to be able to discuss these issues without automatically being labelled racist.” That would be fine, if the points she brought to the discussion table weren’t both racist and not worthy of discussion. Y’know, as a mother.

7. ‘Suicide Squad’ Ended Up Being Cinematic Cat’s Piss

Photo: DC.

Oh god. We were so, so hyped for ‘Suicide Squad‘. The cast was stacked, the time was right, and Jared Leto wouldn’t STFU about his method acting techniques of sending castmates plastic sacks of his own cum.

And then, it opened… and lord, was it terrible. Characters were introduced and then dropped off the face of the earth. Entire plot points were explained in excruciating simplicity to the audience. Will Smith and Margot Robbie carried the shit outta that movie, but even Deadshot and Harley Quinn in bike shorts couldn’t save it. Director David Ayer shouldn’t be allowed near the DC Universe again, ever. (Oh, wait.)

8. Nikki Got Robbed On ‘The Bachelor’

Photo: Channel 10.

Not since that fateful day in 2003 when we as a nation picked the dorkosaurus over the country lad to be the 1st Australian Idol has a reality show so divided a nation.

The finale of 2016’s ‘The Bachelor‘ ended with Richie Strahan picking Alex Nation over Nikki Gogan, and in doing so blindsided the entire fucking nation. It was bad, okay? A horrible time. And in extra rudeness, Channel 10 subjected us to the same thing again two months later when Georgia Love picked whatsisname over Matty J in ‘The Bachelorette‘.

Hey, Bachie producers? Next year, DO. BETTER.

9. Brangelina Went Brangie-Over

Declaring “LOVE IS A LIE” when a celebrity couple splits is the new “that’s what your mum said” (overdone, not funny, should only be allowed in an ironic way), but fuck me if Brangelina didn’t knock the world sideways.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were one of the last, old school Hollywood power couples left, and their ethnically diverse range of brethren were spiriting us into a new age. If George and Amal Clooney call it quits in 2017 then marriage should be made illegal for celebrities, imo.

10. Sunnyboys Were Tragically Discontinued

Yep, nostalgic sugar ice lollies Sunnboys were discontinued forevermore.

Look, I’ll just say it, because apparently I’m the only one in the PEDESTRIAN.TV office who’s never had a Sunnyboy: If you wanted a food to stick around so badly, then maybe you should have… eaten it?

The folks over at The Daily Juice Co. announced they were discontinuing the Aussie classics earlier this year, thus changing the face of school canteens forever. Or, they would be, if school canteens were allowed to serve anything anymore that wasn’t organic carrot sticks and Jamie Oliver‘s face to stick them in.

11. The New $5 Notes Were Unacceptable Durry Tender

These new fandangaled $5 notes might not be aesthetically pleasing, but they allowed blind people to know if they were holding a $5 or a $50, so it was, y’know, good. 

But then we discovered that not one machine was accepting them. Durries, pokies, a packet of Cheese Twisties at 3pm in the arvo… none of these could be purchased with the new $5 note. And that shit is not on.

12. “Grab Them By The Pussy” Happened

Ah, the lowest of the low. President-elect Donald Trump might have said those fateful words to Billy Bush in 2005, but they came to light when the man bragging about sexually assaulting women showed worrying signs of becoming the most powerful man in the world.

And er, we all know how that one turned out. As we hurtle into a Trump Presidency, it’s worth remembering the literal tens of thousands of women who shared their stories of sexual assault as a result of this footage, bringing a widespread problem to the forefront of the national conversation. Again.

Women: tweet me your first assaults. they aren’t just stats. I’ll go first:

Old man on city bus grabs my “pussy” and smiles at me, I’m 12.

— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 7, 2016

13. Twitter Pulled The Plug On Vine

Twitter had a lot of problems, sure. Fake accounts, widespread abuse, that weird experiment with the @ replies where it looked like everyone was talking to an empty void of nobody… so of course the social media giant decided the logical step was to close down Vine.

The latest reports are that Vine isn’t dead in the water just yet, so give it up for six-second comedy and the mysterious collective of ‘Vine stars’.

14. All The Bad Takes On Kim Kardashian’s Gunpoint Robbery

When Kim Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint in Paris, there was more than one person claiming she deserved it, or she was asking for it, or maybe the robbers could have finished the job and we’d be done with this woman forever.

One more time for the people at the back: NOOOOOooOOOOoooooOOOOOooOOOOO. THIS IS AN EXTREMELY BAD TAKE.

Kim Kardashian being robbed at gunpoint: traumatic, fucked, not deserved by anyone. Using the gunpoint to voice your displeasure at ‘someone who’s only famous for being famous’ (not least while millions of people are reading about her): not clever, funny, or appropriate.

15. Dolly Magazine Closed 4Eva

Iconic Aussie mag Dolly – which taught us how to get our crushes to kiss us by the weekend, all the names for our lady bits, and how Miranda Kerr kept her skin glowing just so darn much, all in one issue – shut up shop after 46 years, and that will never not be a tragedy.

16. Amy Schumer Cancelled Her Aussie Tour

Shockingly, we’re aware some of you aren’t the biggest Amy Schumer fans in the world. But for those of you who *do* like her – and you number in the thousands – the news that she cancelled her Aussie tour mere days before she was due to set foot on Australia soil was a huge bummer, particularly for anyone who bought the tickets for loved ones as early Christmas presents and then had to face Westfield in December.

Schumer was forced to cancel her sold-out Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane and Perth shows at the last minute due to illness, and at the time of publishing, no replacement dates have yet been announced. Ugh.

17. There Was A Mass Exodus From Triple J

Triple J is an institution for our earbuds, and next year it’s going to sound very, very different. First we learnt that beloved breakfast duo Matt and Alex were making their way to greener pastures, then the news broke that Lewi McKirdy, Sarah Howells and Kyran Wheatley were also leaving Aunty.

The bittersweet upside? This final, glorious ‘Like A Version‘.

All we can say is: 2017 better bring back Robin Williams to make up for this bullshit.