Pedestrian’s Guide To Movember

“Mo Bros” everywhere will today shelve their razors and embark on a month long mo-growing adventure for Movember – a global charity event which raises awareness and funds for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer (for the Prostate Cancer Foundation Australia) and depression (for Beyond Blue). We suspect a few of you will be participating so to prepare you for the dramatic twirling and contemplative stroking you’ll soon be able to partake in, we’ve assembled a handy guide to the hirsute month ahead.

1) First you should peruse Benjamin Law and Clem Bastow’s top five moustaches in pop culture history. As Movember ambassadors both are acutely aware of what makes a moustache iconic. As writers of sizeable wit, their lists may also induce a hernia.

2) Acquaint yourself with the rules of Movember…
1) Start Movember 1st (today, duh!) clean shaven.
2) Grow a moustache for the entire month of Movember.
3) No beards, goatees or other forms of under the lip funny business.

3) Raise that money y’all. Take a look at Movember’s fund raising guide (below). More importantly though, know that traditional emotional manipulators like guilt and the prospect of personal shame should work fine on co-workers, family members and acquaintances. You can also donate here.

4) Choose a moustache that suits you. With an adequate amount of planning, maintenance and luck, the hair on your upper lip should resemble that of an upper-crust English Lord instead of a homeless serial killer. Interestingly, the distinction between dashing aristocrat and “is this guy gonna stab me with a sharpened stick?” lies in your moustache’s attitude. That’s right, your moustache is an entity unto itself and should be treated thus. Give your moustache a name, Harry perhaps or maybe even Reginald. Talk to it. Feed it positive vibes by playing soothing music and reading children’s stories to it. Introduce your moustache to people it hasn’t met yet. Comb it before bed. Let it use your laptop to talk to its friends and email its Mum. Then and only then will you become one with your moustache. Check out a few suggested styles below. We’re particularly partial to the gravity defying “Abrakadabra”.

5) If you can’t grow facial hair due to your age, sex or ethnicity – you can still participate by purchasing a cute mo-related product at Rawspace. Non-committal and cheap – wares include the fingerstache, fake moustache and moustache brooches in woodgrain or perspex. All proceeds go to Movember.

6) Keep an ear/eye out for weird Movember shit. Throughout November for example, the regional town of Moama will officially change its name to Motown. Bubble-O-Bill will shave of his delicious handlebar mo and the Mr. Men series will welcome a new addition named Mr. Mo. To keep abreast of all the Movember action head to the official Movember website or follow Movember on Twitter or Facebook.