Europe, prepare yourself.
Finally – seriously, finally – Australia’s living meme Shannon Noll has been given license to steer us away from the same grave injustice that befell him thirteen long, cruel years ago.
He’s been tapped as part of Australia’s Eurovision judging panel, giving him very real power to elevate some second-place Swedish Shannon to a glorious German Guy when the comp rolls around next month.
OH YES, DIVINE VENGEANCE WILL BE HIS.
Of course, the voting process he’ll be part of is as ridiculous as the contest itself. While half of our votes will come from, well, us, the five person jury makes up the rest of it. Joining Nollsy will be James Mathison, as evidenced above, along with luminaries Myf Warhurst, Monica Trapaga, and Craig Portelis. We can only hope their choices are as
level-headed blood-thirsty as his.
To make this whole thing even better – as if us truly-duly competing in Eurovision wasn’t great enough – Lee Lin Chin herself is retaining her role as our official spokesperson at the comp. In other words: she’s the one awarding douze points after Noll gets done setting the record straight. What a bloody gift this whole thing is.
Somehow, this entire competition just keeps getting weirder, and we cannot fucking get enough. Scope out our entrant Dani Im in the full jury announcement clip below, ahead of the Grand Final on May 15: