Jamaican Newspaper Compares Lorde To Smeagol After She Disses Reggae Music

A Caribbean tabloid newspaper has compared Lorde to Smeagol (Lord Of The Rings, your nightmares) in response to a seemingly innocuous interview clip in which the twice Grammy winning recording artist with more hair/famous friends than you expressed her hate for reggae music. 

The singer whose only crime was to state her own personal opinion is currently the subject of a cruel rebuke from the Jamaica Star who unleashed a spiral-bound notebook’s worth of of sophomoric burns against the singer in a short missive titled “Lorde, Hate Is A Strong Word”.      

If unfamiliar with the English-Creole hybrid in which this is published, Jamaican Patois, the article loosely translates to: “International artist Lorde says she hates reggae music. Everybody doesn’t have to like everything, but hate is a very strong word. Lorde, you always look like Smeagol from Lord of the Rings. You also look like you have a seizure when you’re there on stage, trying to move your scrawny body. If you need to hate anything, you need to hate your birth certificate. It’s not our fault you say you’re 17, and look like you’re 3 million. It’s not our fault you say you can sing live. Go away you one hit wonder.”

Cool story, Jamaica Star.