Six years after Hozier first took us to church, the Irish muso has found his place in the pop music scene. It’s a warm corner near the hearth of gospel-rock, where the 30-year-old crooner luxuriates in shaggy sweaters, blues licks, and the occasional James Joyce recital. In short, Andrew Hozier-Byrne has it made: his whole vibe is an echo of the past, and there’s precious little need to stray from those classics.
But that all changed this morning, when Hozier accidentally posted a fuckboy-esque video directly to his Instagram Story.
The incriminating clip appears to show Hozier using the Handsome Squidward filter, contorting his face to match the square jaw and and high cheekbones of this SpongeBob Squarepants moment. Framed by his long hair, the filter gives Hozier the appearance of Caucasian Jesus Christ through beer goggles.
He peers into the camera, mutters “yeah girl”, and drags his thumb over his bottom lip, He gives a self-satisfied chuckle, and a little moan which, if we’re being honest, sounds just a little too rehearsed. Hozier closes the clip laughing.
HOZIER HACIÉNDOSE EL FUCKBOY THATS IT THATS THE TWEET pic.twitter.com/IlnjH84I2L
— ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (@aldasintwiter) August 25, 2020
The joke was on him, it turns out. In a subsequent Instagram Story, old mate revealed the clip was actually meant for his mates – not the general public, whose image of Hozier as a soulful troubadour was corrupted by the goofy clip.
“Inconsolable Weeping Christ,” he wrote in a subsequent Story. “That Handsome Squidward content was Just For The Boys®. Pray for me. Thank you.”
Hozier claimed he simply pressed the wrong button, and then his phone “shat the bed”, leaving the clip on his public profile for several moments before he could delete it.
“You live by the Squidward filter, you die by the Squidward filter,” he said.
The entire situation was captured for posterity, with fans commemorating the chaos.
Hozier apologizing for causing trauma via IG Stories – 25 Aug 🖤 pic.twitter.com/XwuBYRZFy2
— Hozier Source (@HozierSource) August 25, 2020
hozier out of context pic.twitter.com/Nd84sYr2xa
— brnd (@ledouxnh1) August 25, 2020
https://twitter.com/NFWMBBY_/status/1298064033019580416
everyone: I miss hozier
hozier: yeah gorl pic.twitter.com/UHxjtKd52K— Robin (@muddynfoxgloved) August 25, 2020
hozier: “when the stench of the sea and the absence of green / are the death of all things that are seen and unseen / not an end, but the start of all things that are left to do”
also hozier: “you live by the squidward filter you die by the squidward filter”
— ☾ ol droopy ally ★⁵ (@puer_corvus) August 25, 2020
hozier’s apology video for using the sexy squidward filter is more genuine then youtubers apology videos for being homophobic and racist
— jess (@beIIemares) August 25, 2020
Probably not the worst thing to leak on your Instagram Story, but it might take a while for him to reclaim his sensitive soul schtick after such wanton shitposting.
