Frank Ocean “Got Jumped” By Chris Brown Over A Parking Space

A glooming peace this morning with it brings; the sun for sorrow will not show its head after super rich kids with nothing but loose ends, Frank Ocean and Chris Brown, were embroiled in some serious #drama overnight. According to TMZ, an “all-out brawl” reportedly arose between the two over a particularly contentious parking space outside a recording studio in a city bereft of parking options; in fair Los Angeles, where we lay our scene.

“Sources” connected to the m!ssundaztood Brown say that Ocean and his crew “started it” [the all-out brawl] when, as Brown went to leave the recording studio, Ocean blocked his exit saying, “This is my studio, this is my parking spot.”
Brown then reportedly moved to shake Ocean’s hand (or bite his thumb; classic Sampson), prompting one of Ocean’s brethren to attack Brown. The same sources say Frank then came at Chris before he “pushed him away and they started brawling,” ra[p]piers and all.
Ugh. Like every ridiculous feud between two houses alike in indignity, there are two sides to this curs’ed tale. This is the other one:
Frank Ocean took to Twitter overnight to submit the following legally binding affidavit; lol:

Everest is Ocean’s dog. I *HIGHLY* recommend you click here.
During intermission police arrived at the scene to find the bandito Brown had fled, prompting police to refer to Ocean as “the victim” seeing as he stuck around to answer their questions; also, repeat offender Brown allegedly punched him and now we have been robbed of the gift that is his music at The Grammys, taking place February 10th. For never was a story of more woe.
Los Ángeles’ finest will continue to investigate the altercation, which is reported to have involved six kinsmen.

Nobody wants to press charges and no arrests have been made aside from Our Attention, which is being held without bail. 

Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things, on Twitter and in the comments below.
A plague ‘o both their houses.
via TMZ, Shakes’peare
Photos: Kevin Winter, Jason Kempin via Getty