If there’s one thing we’ve learned from the horrible coronavirus outbreak that has rocked the globe this year, it’s that we’re surrounded by a bunch of grubs who don’t know how to wash their fucking hands.
We’ve been told that to adequately eliminate germs, you need to wash your hands for 20 seconds, which is roughly the time it takes to sing Happy Birthday twice. But if you’re bored shitless of singing Happy Birthday, it turns out there’s a bunch of certified bangers that also have 20 second choruses.
Here at P.TV, we’re all about doing the greater good for society, so we’ve compiled a spicy little playlist at the bottom of this story for all of your hand washing needs. Life’s a movie and this is your fucking soundtrack.
Thanks to Twitter user Jen Monnier, I’ve uncovered a bunch of songs that are much more karaoke-worthy than Happy Birthday to get you through this coronavirus outbreak (and through the rest of your life as a person who knows how to wash their hands).
You're supposed to wash your hands for 20 sec, which is the time it takes to sing Happy Birthday twice. But I'm tired of singing Happy Birthday and you probably are too, so I've done the very important public service of compiling other songs with roughly 20 sec choruses to sing:
— Jen Monnier (@JenMonnier) March 2, 2020
First and foremost, we’ve got Beyonce’s Love On Top, which should honestly be your hand-washing soundtrack anyway. Naturally, this has to be on top of the list.
Or maybe you want to slow it down a little with a bit of Fleetwood Mac? Well, you’re in luck because Landslide is the perfect length for a handwashing banger.
Raspberry Beret by Prince will also serenade you while you wash away those nasty germs after your trip to the toot.
Our lord and saviour Dolly Parton also has your back with Jolene. Jolene might take your man, but she’ll also take your coronavirus-spreading germs (just because she can). ICONIC.
If you’re ready to get the party started, Toto’s Africa is also blessed with a chorus that’s long enough to disinfect your grotty hands. It’s gonna take a lot to drag those germs away from your hands, but this song will well and truly do it.
And last but not least on Jen’s list of 20 second choruses is Lizzo’s Truth Hurts because why are men great ’til they gotta wash their hands? If you’d like to take a DNA test and be 100% clear of any gross germs or illnesses, washing your hands for upwards of 20 seconds is a great way to do it.
Here’s some advice for all of my fellow emos out there:
Millennial Handwashing Tip:
If you want to make sure you wash your hands for 20 seconds, start singing Welcome to the Black Parade from "When I was" to "the beaten and the damned."
— Tracy (@TheOtherTracy) February 29, 2020