How To Tell If You’re One Of Those Knobs At Gigs Who Ruin It For Everyone

concert etiquette

Alright you absolute rookies, time to lay down some facts and you best believe I’m expecting you to take notes.

Fact #1: the majority of the population enjoy music to some degree.
Fact #2: some of the population enjoy going to see music played live.
Fact #3: most people who go to gigs are pretty chill.
Fact #4: some are utter morons who shouldn’t be allowed to go out in public, maybe ever.

Now, before you get all defensive and insufferable, let me tell you some reasons why certain people at gigs are utter morons, and I’ll even throw in some tips for ya on how to avoid being a numpty for free.


We all know ’em. We all hate ’em. Those absolute tosspots who are 6’5”, rowdy as hell and incapable of understanding that behind their mountain-like stature are dozens of much smaller, much more restrained punters who are precariously balanced on their tip-toes trying to see over their gigantic shoulders.

This one’s easy enough to avoid. Quite simply put, if you’re a tall specimen, do the kind thing and chill closer to the back of the crowd or if you refuse to lose your spot, at least do a courtesy glance behind you to see whose view you’re blocking and contort thy body accordingly.


There’s a reason us plebs are crammed in like sardines on the ground while the actual, accomplished musicians are perched up on the stage – the musicians actually have talent while we, generally speaking, do not.

So, in light of that little tidbit of info, it should go without saying that if you don’t possess the voice of an angel then you should really be zipping your lip or singing with an inside voice that only you can hear. As soon as you’re drowning out the band themselves then you’ve ruined it.


I get it, finding love is tricky. You either have to peruse online profiles or be confident enough to talk to strangers without exposing yourself as the weird bloody unit you are.

That being said, it’s probably not a great idea to use a gig as an opportunity to hit on some little thottie midway through a set. Sure, hit ’em up before or after the set’s over, but the last thing people want to do while they’re trying to enjoy themselves and listen to some bangers is to field questions they can barely hear from a sweaty stranger.


Who hasn’t done the mad dash to the bar when there’s a lull in between your favourite tunes? Sometimes I wonder if that’s why bands chuck a snorer into their setlists, so the non-diehard fans can do a cheeky bev run. Clever, if true.

Regardless, people are usually in a hurry when they duck to the bar, so the last thing you want is to be stuck behind some chump who requests to see a wine list because they can’t decide between the plastic cup of house white and the other plastic cup of the same house white. It’s a gig people, drinks are basic for a reason.

Grab a warm cup of whatever and keep the line moving.

You might be wondering why I’ve come in all guns blazing, attacking strangers for their venue etiquette. Simple: I too am guilty of some of the above behaviour and may or may not have been that guy who smuggled in a Slurpee only to accidentally spill it all over some bald dude in front of me. I just find it much easier to deflect and make other people feel like trash than to self-reflect and make myself feel like trash – it’s called self-care.

Ahead of your next planned night out, have a gander at the video below to get some more pointers because frankly, you need it.

If you find it impossible to refrain from being a knob, perhaps sit the next couple of nights out, grab a Slurpee from 7-Eleven, relax in the sun and listen to your fave bands in the privacy of your own backyard. It’d be best for everyone.