1) Know a Gear Nerd
You know the person I’m talking about: often starts sentences with “I was on gearslutz the other night” and will always refer to bass tones as “low end”. They will take great pleasure in trawling the internet for great deals on vintage microphones and outboard gear. They talk a lot, but if you have a good filter then you can basically tune out most of what they say. The main thing to focus on is how animated they get whilst talking. If they are excited about a piece of gear, then you can pretty much assume it will make your recording sound better. In the end, you will save money and that Fatso Jnr compressor that you heard about for 13 hours straight really does make shit sound real nice.
2. Not Everything has to Look Beautiful
I never took myself to be a perfectionist. I have shown traits of perfectionism in approximately 3 per cent of other facets of my life. Nevertheless perfectionism reared its ugly head when I started building bass traps. Once our resident gear nerd showed me a video of some hipsters making a bass trap that he found on gear sluts I was all like “I can do that way fuckin’ better than those chumps!” I achieved my dream of bettering the nerdy bass trap hipsters, but at what cost? Waking up a couple of hours earlier than the rest of the band (10.30am) and getting out to Luke’s garage. Wasting a fuckload of what could have been hang over recovery time making sure my timber frames were perfectly square, carefully cutting sheets of Acoustisorb, then stretching and stapling the shittiest and cheapest fabric we could find onto the frames. At the time I was super proud of myself, now I realise that I was being a dick. Obviously there is a line here, you don’t want to pull a Homer Simpson but for the most part you are the only one who is going to give a shit if the fabric isn’t taut (great word!!!) or your frame isn’t perfectly square.
It’s pretty much step one to making a room sound better for recording.
Once you’ve #droppedthabass. Use trial and error moving baffles and
microphones around to find the best sound of
the room.
4. Measure Twice and Cut Once
It’s simple, it adds just the slightest amount of time but the alternative is going to cost a lot more in both time and human money. Write shit down, maybe it’s just me but I can’t in sound mind and clear conscience rely on what measurement is in my head even if only 15 seconds have passed. And if you are making something to fit in a specific space, leave at least a centimetre tolerance, maybe even more. If you are making bass traps or absorbers to be floor to ceiling, remember you have to be able to carry them and then stand them up. A good tip to remember is the shitter you are at construction, the more tolerance you leave.
5. Don’t Use Power Tools Whilst Drinking
Everyone knows that power tools are fun as fuck and also really dangerous. It sounds straight forward “Don’t use power tools whilst drinking” but I’m sorry to say that I too have been unable to resist the allure of a project half finished, calling desperately to be finished even though I had recently consumed a couple of beverages, even holding one in my left hand as my right hand scratches my head as my mind churns slowly through a whole heap of flawed reasoning. Naturally, I settled on “what’s the worst that could happen?” Luckily, the worst that could happen has not yet happened to me.
That being said, nothing will sober you up quicker than accidentally polishing the edge of your thumbnail/ melting a millimetre or two clean off with the fast spinning blade of a compound saw. Although if you are super tired and hungover and need a sure fire way to quickly wake up try this fun little tip on for size.
Step One – with your left hand take two pieces of timber whose combined thickness is 70 mm. (Make sure you are holding them really, really tightly)
Step Two – With your right hand take your nail gun and fire a 75mm nail into the timber. Make sure that the 5mm of nail that science dictates will come through the other side goes directly into your ring finger. (remember to hold them tightly thus ensuring your finger is compressed enough that the nail hits bone)
Step Three – Drop everything whilst swearing loudly.
Step Four – Wrap toilet paper around your finger. (It’s definitely going to be bleeding by now, and a lot more than you expected)
Step Five – Wrap the toilet paper in masking tape and go about your day revitalised with a newly acquired alertness and each time your finger throbs in pain, keeping time with your elevated heartbeat curse yourself for the idiot that you are!
Note – Step four and five can be skipped if you have a first aid kit nearby, even just a box of band-aids. But I recommend going without to get the added alertness that comes from knowing if you fuck up again you may have to drive yourself to the nearest hospital.
This is pretty much all you need to know to go out on your ownsomes and make yourself a makeshift studio. Don’t thank me for the amazing wisdom that I have just passed onto you in mixed media format. (assuming .gifs count as mixed media) I am a mere conduit, presenting what has been bequeathed unto me by thine most McGlorious, god of construction and comedy – Tim “the Toolman” Taylor.
The John Steel Singers’ new album ‘Everything’s A Thread’ is out today via Dew Process. Their national tour in support of the album kicks off tonight in Melbourne.
JOHN STEEL SINGERS EVERYTHING’S A THREAD TOUR
FRI 08 NOV – DING DONG LOUNGE, MELBOURNE
SAT 09 NOV – KAROVA LOUNGE, BALLARAT
WED 13 NOV – BEACH ROAD HOTEL, BONDI
THU 14 NOV – THE DEN, WOLLONGONG
FRI 15 NOV – SMALL BALLROOM, NEWCASTLE
SAT 16 NOV – OXFORD ART FACTORY, SYDNEY
FRI 22 NOV – JIVE, ADELAIDE
THU 28 NOV – SPOTTED COW, TOOWOOMBA
FRI 29 NOV – THE ZOO, BRISBANE
SAT 30 NOV – SOL BAR, MAROOCHYDORE
SAT 7 DEC – SLANTED & ENCHANTED FESTIVAL, PERTH
