Despite the onward march of modern medical science, there are still those who choose – for whatever reason – to seek solace and relief in alternative therapies. Within reason and administered safely, that can be a completely normal and healthy thing, and helpful as a coping strategy for illness and injury.

However, I would strongly recommend that, no matter what you do, do not inject your own cum into your arm to cure your back pain. That is one thing I really cannot endorse in any context.

But a guy did it! An Irish guy, no less! In a case study published in the Irish Medical Journal, delightfully titled “Semenly” Harmless Back Pain: An Unusual Presentation of a Subcutaneous Abscess, the authors discuss the recent case of a patient who “developed a subcutaneous abscess after intravenously injecting his own semen in an attempt to treat longstanding back pain.”

In layman’s terms: he injected jizz into his own arm to fix his sore back. Surprisingly, the study indicates he came to this genius cure “independent of medical advice.”

Hold up for a minute. I can absolutely understand the bizarre logic behind a lot of ‘alternative’ cures. Hell, I can even parse the thought process behind other semen-related cures! Like those weird units who bathe in cum because they thing it will rejuvenate their skin – at least that has a kind of perverse logic behind it.

But shooting up with a needle full of hot jizz to cure your back pain? Sorry folks. I simply can’t accept that one on any sort of logical basis.

He did it a lot, too:

Upon further interrogation of this alternative therapy, he revealed he had injected one monthly “dose” of semen for 18 consecutive months using a hypodermic needle which had been purchased online. Upon this occasion the patient had injected three “doses” of semen intra-vascularly and intra-muscularly.

Unfortunately, doing so did not cure his back pain, despite all evidence pointing to the fact that it should have done so. What it did do is give him some gross swelling. Apologies for this pic. It’s not that bad, really.

The authors of the study say that they could find absolutely no other cases of anyone who has injected themselves with semen. “A search of more eclectic internet sites and forums found no other documentation of semen injection for back pain treatment or other uses,” they go on to write. So it really does sound like this dude completely independently, based on nothing, decided to inject himself with cum.

Good luck with your back, man!