Love Island Australia tragics, hello.

Welcome to the safe space. The space where I am going to word vomit for like, 200 sentences minimum I reckon on one single topic – why the fucking shit-fuck has no girl on this godforsaken show we’re all committed to five entire nights per week realised yet what an angel from heaven, perfect human, all-round legend Justin Lacko is.

Hello, ladies

Before anyone bloody starts – NO I don’t believe Justin is gay. He’s absolutely campy, and extremely goobery. But let’s stop saying guys who identify as heterosexual are gay because they’re not “blokey”, or because they “seem gay” yeah? Like in 2018 you can be a camp, fun-loving guy and be straight, the end. Also – end of my soapbox rant. BACK TO THE FUN STUFF, BABEY!

I literally *Kath & Kim voice* CAN’T BOILOIVE that none of the single ladies in that villa have remotely tried to jump Justin’s bones at this point. The guy is RIPPED. He’s TALL. He’s HOT.

These are all the superficial things the women have waxed lyrical about on that show. But noooOOOooOO, because he doesn’t have the voice of a pack-a-day smoker or the emotional barrenness of an Aussie yobbo, they’ve completely overlooked him.

What a gorgeous bunch. ???? @LoveIslandAU #LoveIslandAU

A post shared by JUSTIN (@justinlacko) on

Firstly, let’s just agree that Justin – kangatarian comment aside and bizarre “all the ladies will walk forward for me” call from the first episode forgotten –  is pretty much the smartest dude in the house. When they had to make tapas, he was LITERALLY the only person who knew what tapas actually was – even though they all made a cheese board anyway, the idiots.

“And on today’s menu is… love and respect”

Well, there WAS this moment…

He’s also the sweetest soul – he’s never sleazy, never creepy, and always respectful of the ladies. He seems to be a support for them all too (which is part of the problem, they don’t see him as bf material) and he’s always in those shots where someone’s crying about some shit that went down, or whatever.

These two points, teamed with his EXTREMELY HOT FACE AND BODY, should really be enough. He’s a hot babe on the inside AND the outside, guys! But then he has to go and tip the scales right over by being fucking funny as shit. Sometimes he annoys me, to be fair – like not EVERYTHING is a zesty jokerson game OK, we don’t need you to do an amateur strip show every episode for the lols. But often his light-hearted japes are the only thing that makes one of the less dramatic episodes halfway decent. He has a great sense of humour and can also take the piss out of himself unlike some people (Grant) who can’t (Grant, also Eden).

I swear to God if those producers don’t send in his perfect match (it’s me guys, send me in) during this season and poor Justin gets booted out because no one acknowledged his pure sweet baby angelness, I will hurl my TV out the window and then film myself crying, “Leave Britney Alone” style.