Sweet Baby Angel Justin Was Booted Off ‘Love Island’ By A Demonic Eden

YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS. The only reason I’ve been writing all these Justin-heavy Love Island yarns is because I was HOPING (rude) that CHANNEL NINE (rude) would bloody SEND ME TO MALLORCA (rude rude rude) so Justin and I could finally be together.

Honestly. Why do I bother. Why am I even here.

Anyway. In case you didn’t get it from the headline or that insane rant above, Justin Lacko left the Love Island villa last night in what 9GO are coining the most controversial moment in Love Island thus far. Which like YES but also no guys – Grant/Tayla. Ahem.

We started out on a relatively positive note – Tayla and Grant were boning in The Hideaway. TBH there wasn’t NEARLY enough sexy-times footage. This is LOVE ISLAND. This is what we’re here for. Anyway they just go on about how happy they are together and make all these grandiose statements they’ll absolutely regret once they leave Mallorca and hit the real world where Tayla gets photographed hugging some guy mate and Grant loses his fucking jealous idiot mind, blah blah. But at the moment, Grant reckons he’s in love with Tayla and he wants her to be his girlfriend.

true love is taking selfies before you fuck

Cassidy‘s pretty stoked with Dom which is fine, I guess. They SPOONED last night, guys. Look out! Anyway I’m tired of being mad at her now. Also, I predict – as I think most of you would too – that Dom’s going to stomp all over her heart in no time, much like she stomped on Josh’s. So that will be some karma.

Everyone played a completely disgusting game that’s put me off eating pizza for at LEAST…. three hours.

Basically they had to make a pizza as a couple without using their hands. So think bashing dough with their abs and boobs and smearing tomato paste on with asses. Just so many body parts I don’t want to see near my pizza, you know? Eden and Erin win, the end.

Josh has decided he likes Mac which like, absolutely no you don’t. But whatever, he can think that for now.

OMG also can we just acknowledge that Jaxon has a potentially concerning level of self-belief that he is, actually, Jaxon Teller from Sons Of Anarchy.

YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY IN SAMCRO PAL

Literally nothing else happens this episode and then BAM! Sophie Monk walks in and drops a major, out of nowhere bombshell – someone’s going home. It’s a dude, and it’s based on public votes as to which guy is most likely to leave the house with a girlfriend.

Of course Eden wins – Grant is as always shitty he isn’t the favourite – and then Josh comes in second which BLOWS me away. Guys what??? Josh??? Is going to leave with a girlfriend? Absolutely not. If anything I think Josh is next to go. Anyway, Grant, Jax, Elias and Justin are left. Sophie solemnly tells the group that only one more guy is safe. The drama goes THROUGH THE ROOF.

Like Tayla is proper sobbing like Sophie’s told everyone a man is going to die tonight and it may be her boyfriend Grant.

wot in tarnation

Of course Grant is safe and Tayla clings to him like a limpet. It’s honestly bizarre. As my sister said, “it’s not that big a deal like if he goes home, you can just… leave too if you like?”. Utterly insane.

yay you’re not being slayed in sacrifice to the love gods babe

So that leaves Elias, Jaxon and Justin. Elias is voted out, which sends Francoise into a meltdown. Gal, he is a LITERAL CHILD. He just wants to chase bugs, let him be.

i have suddenly decided the bug man is my one and only

Sophie drops another bombshell – another dude is going home… and EDEN, as the winner of the vote, is doing the choosing. Fuuuuuck I mean, it’s all so overly-dramatic but even this had me doing a spontaneous shiver of nervousness. I hate myself for it, but it’s true. Putting the choice in a fellow contestants hands? Brilliant producer bullshit right there.

Justin and Jaxon are crying and then everyone’s crying and just WHAT is going on with the intensity levels of this night?? Everyone’s so hyper emotional but like guys, you’ve been away for the length of a short tropical holiday. CALM DOWN. ALL OF YOU.

CALM
DOWN

Eden gets to have help from Erin, who pretty much just nods and agrees with his analysing. They decide Justin should go home because Jaxon hasn’t been in the villa for very long, and they feel he has a better chance of coupling up with someone in future. IDK if I’m just feeling this because I wrote this yarn on Justin and the importance of not assuming people’s sexuality based on their mannerisms, but I feel like Eden just thinks Justin’s not the kind of guy girls want to date. LIES EDEN, I WAS WAITING FOR MY CHANCE.

justin marry me that’s all

Anyway, it’s a huge blow for the group. Millie’s obviously devastated, but really everyone seems to rally around Justin and it’s nice.

Sunday looks set to be a doozy – everyone’s losing their shit at Eden and Erin for booting Justin, and the promo is just a shitload of unintelligible yelling which I am 100% about.

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