A Fond Look Back At 2012, And The Batshit Theory That The World Was Gonna End

Golly, we have been through alot together this decade. It might be time to give ourselves a pat on the back, even. From reality TV star presidents to Brexit to us even collectively entertaining an apocalyptic prediction as ridiculous and it was believed to be true.

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Embarrassingly, I love a good conspiracy theory. Catch me putting on a two hour illuminati podcast for some easy listening on a Sunday morning.

Fake moon landing?
Certainly seemed fishy to me.

Flat earth?
I’ll hear you out.

Lizard people?

I nod my head in agreement so often when listening to these podcasts, that you’d be forgiven for thinking I’m bopping my head to Snoop Dogg’s ‘Gin and Juice’.

The first I heard about the 2012 conspiracy theory – that the world would end –  was back in 2009, when a disaster movie titled ‘2012’ starring well-respected baes John Cusack and Woody Harrelson was released.

The film’s marketing campaign included the purportedly-scientific message stating the world would end on 21/12/12, urging people to look it up and “find out the truth” for themselves. The film went on to make $769 million US at the box office against its $200 million US budget, so safe to say the word spread quickly.

The hype generated by the marketing campaign took OFF. It became so significant and received so much mainstream media attention that world leaders need to respond.

NASA received so many panicked calls and emails that they released a statement (!!) and video to reassure the public and debunk the myth. Vladimir Putin was asked to comment on it in a press conference, and even then-Prime Minister Julia Gillard acknowledged the hype – albeit, in a joking manner.

The conspiracy is based on the calendar of an ancient civilisation native to central/ South America, the Maya. The Maya have measured time in very long periods, known as the long count calendar. The biggest measurement of time in the calendar is called a Baktun, with 13 baktuns in one ‘creation’. The last creation started August 11 3114 BC, and 13 baktuns later ended on -you guessed it, the 21st of December 2012.

The 21st December 2012 was anticipated by loads of people – the hype was significant enough for me to remember (almost exactly 7 years later) that night in great detail.

I was working at the Apple Store in Chatswood Chase. Being only a few days before Xmas, we were open until midnight. It was really quiet, which was awkward for me as I had made out with two of the other staff members who were working that night at prior boozy work functions, both of which I thoroughly regretted. I was not keen on making small talk for hours.

An elderly man came in at about 11pm and asked for ‘Vanna’. This wasn’t uncommon. Word had spread around a few north shore Probus meetings that a nice young girl at Apple Chatswood who, when pressed, would help you set up your ‘Plenty of Fish’ profile.

I had reluctantly become Whoopi Goldberg‘s character in ‘Ghost’, but instead of being followed by the dead in need of help connecting with their loved ones, I was being followed by the 60+ community in need of help of connecting to each other online.

I was typing up Arthur’s list of dislikes, listening to my two ex-flames laughing behind me, while thinking “It could all end right here”. Part of me, certainly hoped it would.

In the end, the Maya had actually never predicted an apocalypse on this date, just the beginning of a new ‘creation’. Hollywood were grasping at straws. This was a rookie conspiracy theory at best.

Or was it.

There are still a few conspiracy theories about 2012 floating around the internet, some pretty convincing if you ask me – like the theory that the world DID end in 2012, and we just don’t know it.

I dived down a pretty deep dark web hole into this one and if I had to do it again I would get my masters in quantum theory and mechanics first. Anyway it’s something about higgs boson and the collapsing mass of the universe and us being transferred to a parallel universe almost identical to the one we had before it. The theory names this as the main cause for the ‘Mandela Effect’. This refers to large amounts of people remembering certain things being different to the way they are, for example The Looney Tunes being called ‘Looney Toons’, the monopoly man having a monocle, Forrest Gump saying “Life is like” instead of  “Life was like a box of chocolates.”  and even the Statue of Liberty being on a completely different island.

But there’s another even scarier theory – that the new creation was actually the beginning OF the end. As in, since 2012 shit has gotten worse and worse across the globe. Looking at the state of the earth now, this one’s not hard to believe.

I’m starting to nod my head again.