Look, it ain’t quite “Melissa admits she is the clone that replaced a dead Avril Lavigne” on the scale of conspiracy confirmations, but nonetheless Zayn Malik may have just confirmed one of the juicier Taylor Swift theories kicking about, so it might be time to strap on the tinfoil hat and stock that fallout shelter, mates.
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Back before she dropped Reputation on the world, Taylor Swift took an extended break away from the public eye amid a raft of public issues. And when we say “break from the public eye” we mean “somehow no one saw head nor hair of one of the most recognisable faces in the world for literal months.”
Swift managed to avoid being spotted anywhere in public, even somehow getting to and from her New York apartment without passing the salivating paparazzi photographers permanently stationed outside the building.
What did leave Swift’s apartment, however, was an extremely large road case being carried by two burly bodyguards, both of whom appeared to be struggling with the weight of the container as they loaded it into an awaiting car, leading to speculation that Swift’s rangy frame was crammed into there in an elaborate, wild attempt to escape being seen.
https://twitter.com/spin1038/status/887058079245840384
Normal case. Nothing out of the ordinary. Definitely not an absurdly famous pop star hiding from view in there.
Thanks to a wide-ranging new profile on Malik by Vogue UK, the theory now appears to be confirmed.
Buried away in towards the end of the lengthy piece, which you can read in full here, is this eye-opening little titbit:
He seems more like an undergrad than an internationally swooned-over famous person. Though his small talk is a giveaway. “She was travelling around in a suitcase,” he says, eyes agog, of his pal Taylor Swift’s ability to avoid the paparazzi.
WELL THEN.
Now that this is confirmed, the question remains: What else has Taylor Swift crammed her whole body into in order to avoid cameras? One of those very large backpacking backpacks? An inflatable T-Rex costume? Several reusable Coles bags?
We’re through the looking glass here, people.
