Oh, shit, oh, shit” begins an excerpt likely taken from 45-year-old Wendi Deng’s cute padlocked diary, written in the narrative voice of 14-year-old Wendi Deng’s inner monologue and detailing her crush on ex-British Prime Minister Tony Blair published in Vanity Fair overnight.

Whatever why I’m so so missing Tony,” Deng asks of herself, you and I, everyone and no one in particular. ‘Whatever why is she so so missing Tony’, you ask, because this woman is literally making no sense. “Because he is so so charming and his clothes are so good. He has such good body and he has really really good legs Butt,” Deng responds. 

Writing in what VF describe as “broken English by a woman to herself, pouring out her love” in an epistolary artefact both worthy of immediate canonisation and ultimately responsible for Rupert Murdoch’s decision to end his marriage to the “nice Chinese woman” he made his third wife, Deng lists in exquisite detail all that she loves about the married British statesman. It’s a contemporary retelling of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s Sonnet 43 – let her count the ways how she doth love Tony:

And he is slim tall and good skin,” she gushes, “Pierce blue eyes which I love. Love his eyes. Also I love his power on the stage… and what else and what else and what else…

What else? According to Mark Seal’s exposé on the dénouement of the Murdoch-Deng nuptials, the servants Deng so openly abused were instrumental in exposing her multiple extramarital affairs. Blair is also a godfather to Grace, the older of Rupert and Wendi’s two daughters and Wendi would lure Tony to her sex den on Murdoch’s 1,000 acres highland ranch in Carmel, California, under the premise that she was having a gals’ weekend – not unheard of in a marriage with assets including the 184-foot sailboat, Rosehearty, another boat off St. Barth’s, and a Western media empire. Seal also gives no indication of how Vanity Fair came into possession of Deng’s love note; her status as the divorcee of a man into whom a whole inquiry was conducted concerning the gross violation of privacy laws may give you some indication. 

Mo money, mo problems, mo ghostly visitations of the good skin on Tony Blair’s Butt perched atop his slim, really really good legs whenever you next close your Pierce blue eyes.

via Vanity Fair

Photo: Peter Macdiarmid via Getty