We may have been knocked out of the World Cup early on, and we may not have enjoyed much success at Wimbledon, but Australia does lead the world in one key area: the consumption of vast quantities of ecstasy.
AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE. *
Though high, our rate of ecstasy use is apparently on the decline. We’re not doing too shabbily in our consumption of other substances, however. The rate of cannabis use in Australia and New Zealand sits at around 10.8%, while 3% of us are on synthetic opioids, and 1.5% know a guy who knows a guy who has some really shitty, stepped-on cocaine for sale at way too high a price.
Nobody does heroin anymore, because it’s way too ’90s and the dead baby scene from Trainspotting is still way too fresh in our minds.