Since we were young’ns we were raised to believe that size doesn’t matter. Well, at least that’s what teachers reassured their students to make sure there were no competitions in the locker rooms. Regardless, after seeing these examples we’ll all be in agreement that size does occasionally matter.
Meal Size
There’s genuinely nothing worse than being underfed. You head to a pub with your mates to line your stomachs in preparation for a big night, only for the waiter to rock up holding a plate with three chips and a chicken wing that clearly came from a baby bird.
You can always go the emergency drive-thru option at the end of the night (or just do it anyway because food is life), but it’s the principle of the matter.
Feature-Length Instagram Stories
When will this madness end?
Have you ever been scoping out someone you fancy and decide to follow them on Instagram, only to find out they’re one of those people who upload 20-minute Instagram stories every damn day of your life?
Sure, it’s all well and good if the stories are semi-interesting, but when they’re chock full of inspirational quotes and life mottos, interest in that person can fade very, very quickly.
Let’s keep it short and sweet, y’all.
Snug Fit
Nothing’s as important as your meat and two veg (see: Meal Size). They can give life, they’re a great time-waster and, regardless of what the old wives’ tale is, they can help you think clearly.
This is why it’s imperative that we treat the crown jewels with respect, and that includes wearing appropriately sized jocks. You wouldn’t put a bag over your best mate’s head, would you? (And if you would, you have issues). So why do it to your nearest and dearest?
Even if your family bought you a nice pair of undies that are too small, smile and thank them, but never wear them. Your body will hate you and you’ll be walking across town hunched over and breathless the entire day.
Personal Space
My mate told me a harrowing story recently about the public toilets. He was standing at the empty urinals, minding his own business and unloading the litre slurpee he had just inhaled, only to have another guy walk in and stand directly next to him, leaving absolutely no room between them.
There’s certain unwritten rules about public toilets that should be followed at all costs. If you can touch them, you’re probably too close. Plus, who wants someone else’s slurpee splattering on their legs? Exactly.
A large gap is rule number one.
Mouth Size
Get your heads out of the gutter, I’m talking about the ability to eat larger quantities of food in a shorter period of time. Jeez.
We all have that one friend that takes about 45 minutes to eat a snack size sausage roll while everyone else sits around waiting for them to finish, grinding their teeth and resisting the urge not to cram the rest of the sausage roll in their face and carrying on with the night.
This is why it’s particularly handy if you have the ability to just open your gob and vacuum the entire meal up in .5 seconds. There’ll be more time to do other things and you won’t irritate your mates. Win win.
Phone Storage
Phone storage is essential in 2018. It might even rank higher than food, water and shelter. Our ancestors are undoubtedly unimpressed but that’s just the way it is.
If you don’t have enough room to store all of the memes and gifs you save to your phone and inevitably never use, you may as well just throw your phone in the ocean. We’ve all experienced that feeling of dread when you’re taking an absolute ripper photo of your friend who’s somehow ended up head-first in a bin only to have a “storage full” notification pop up on your phone.
The. Absolute. Worst.
Next time you renew your phone contract (or, if you’re rich as guts, buy a phone outright), take note of the storage size. It does matter.
MAXIBON is chucking a spanner in the works by bringing out their new BIG and rich Choc-A-Block range, and while we can debate this “size” dilemma all day long, it’s undoubtedly true that bigger ice cream is better ice cream.
