Tonight on The X Factor another contestant will be discarded like a pair of 1992 Hot Tuna board shorts. On last night’s Live Show the remaining nine hopefuls performed songs by legends (according to the theme of the show), and watching them do Michael Jackson and The Police and Janis Joplin today, I’m quite confident that there are no future legends among these contenders. But what do I know? Let’s see which one of them Australia thought was the least legendary in tonight’s Live Results Show.
7:45pm: I’m a bit late to start things off tonight, but Jessica Mauboy just got up and sung a bunch of songs from The Sapphires then the contestants joined her on stage and cramped her style. Especially the fucking repulsive matching red Nineties power suits on The Collective.
7:47pm: Carmello looks like the sidekick of a Bond villain.
7:50pm: Luke Jacobz asks the judges who they think will be in the bottom two tonight. Mel B and Ronan say Angel, who was terrible last night when she forgot her lyrics and was so tightly strung into a corset she clearly couldn’t breathe and subsequently sing. Guy thinks The Collective will be stung, and Nat picks Carmello. Let’s face it – they’re all excellent choices.
7:55pm: I only just realised the winner gets a new car as well as a $100,000 recording contract with Sony. Spoiled! Now a British singer/songwriter/whatever Labrinth is performing with a chorus of Gregorian monks. Only kidding, it’s a large choir of normal people wearing drama blacks. I like Labrinth’s white coat. He’s one of about 4 people on this show whose clothes fit nicely.
8:05pm: Time to find out which of these crazy dreamers will be getting booted! As they walk on stage we can finally get a good look at what everyone is wearing tonight. Mel B and Nat are both wearing nondescript one-shoulder dresses. Snooze.
8:07pm: Luke reveals that the first two performers to go through are Jason and Shiane, probably the two most likeable contestants remaining. Next to be announced is Nathaniel, then Angel. She dodged a bullet this week after sucking balls in the live show. I mostly blame Nat for choosing what is probably the worst Michael Jackson song of all time: “Dirty Diana”.
8:09pm: Next to be announced is Sammy. Then Bella. When Bella’s name is announced Nat elicits a shrill scream of delight. The final act to go through is The Collective, which means Carmello and Fourtunate are singing for their lives.
8:17pm: Now a young singer from the UK named Birdy is singing a cover of Bon Iver’s “Skinny Love”. It’s the version that Bella sung in one of her auditions. NEXT.
8:21pm: Can they please keep the guest performers to a minimum? This is getting a little ridiculous. Surely two per Results Show will suffice.
8:27pm: Time for Carmello to sing for his life and he’s come sauntering onto the stage, crazy eyes ablaze, singing Michael Buble’s version of “Feeling Good” (sung originally by Nina Simone, I believe).
8:28pm: Credit where credit’s due, Carmello sounds terrific. This has been a vocally impressive, extremely composed performance.
8:30pm: Now it’s time for Fourtunate who, I’m afraid to admit, I sincerely dislike, mostly due to their horrendous outfits. I mean, week after week of getting clothed in Clarke’s Rubber offcuts you’d think one of them would speak up and bring a stop to this madness.
8:38pm: Time for the moment of truth when the judges pick their least favourite who they will send home. Nat and Ronan picked Carmello to go, then Mel B of course opted to keep in her boy and send Fourtunate home. It’s going to come down to Guy and after a bloody longwinded deliberation, he chooses to send Carmello home.
8:41pm: Well that’s it everyone. Another one has bitten the dust, and Mel B is left with just one contestant. I’m out of here. Share your thoughts and feelings in the comment section.
