The Royals Snubbed Kyle And Jackie O, Justifying The Entire Trip

It took nearly all of their ten days in the country to do it, but Prince William and his wife Kate have finally displayed value to their trip to Australia, beyond merely engaging in media-ordained sightseeing, or showing off the future Head-of-State that they’d made, whose cheeks could overthrow governments. You see, the pair of unelected sponges attended a function at Sydney Opera House last week that was attended by 200 or so people deemed worthy of their time. Meticulously, the Royal couple went around every table and greeted guests. However, they did manage to skip one table; an understandable mistake and one that’s certainly easy to make. However it just so happens that the table they missed happened to be the one where our much beloved radio icons Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O were sitting. And they were none too pleased about it, let me tell you.

Continuing on the great, badass Royal tradition of “I do whatever the fuck I want, damn it,” the Royals were apparently almost militaristic in their snubbing of the radio pair. On their traditional slot of muck racking, bullshit and general arseholery on KIIS FM this morning, Kyle and Jackie lashed out at their treatment: “Just as they got to our table, all of a sudden … the Australian Army do some sort of Tiananmen Square military arm-lock thing,” stated Kyle, justifiably comparing his not meeting the Royals to the 1989 democratic protests by Chinese students who were set upon by military forces resulting in the deaths of hundreds of innocent citizens; a pair of entirely comparable situations.
But who are THEY to deliberately ignore Kyle? It’s not like he’s ever put a lie detector on a fourteen year old and asked if she’d had any more experience after she’d admitted being raped. Or it’s not like he’s ever suggested on-air that Magda Szubanski would lose more weight in a concentration camp. And it’s not like he’s ever threatened to hunt down a journalist who dared say something bad about him. It’s not like that at all. Though, maybe, it might have been due to the fact that Kyle was a wee bit pissed at the time. “A lot of people don’t realise that I don’t drink alcohol, but I smashed a few champagnes when I was there so I was blind. And it was very hot, so I was sweating like a dog, covered in sweat. I looked like I was on pingas.” Yep. That’s probably it.
The Royals, for their part, have happily continued on their way gallivanting about the country doing important things like looking at stuff. Though, credit where it’s due, they couldn’t have ignored a pair of nicer people. And, should William be made aware of this error, we imagine he’ll carry on his Nan’s grand tradition of being an ever-so-slightly acid-tongued legend by replying, “Fucking… who?
Photo: William West via Getty Images.