The Bachelor Australia has whittled down it’s contestants to just 7 women. While it’s highly likely we’ll cop a bunch of intruders this week, we also… might not? I don’t know, this show is an enigma. Anything could happen in the battle for Matt Agnew‘s heart.
[jwplayer TbIvUgrd]
I’m a bit of a Bachie aficionado, by which I mean it’s my job to watch these episodes with the scrutiny of a hawk looking for rats to eat, which is the absolute worst comparison I think I’ve ever made. Because of this, I am the perfect person to make rogue judgements about who will win the show.
Here’s the definitive ranking of which The Bachelor Australia women of 2019 are likely to take home the gong, and which ones will be swiftly booted, destined for hawking skinny teas and dodgy cheapo fashion brands.
7. Helena
Firstly, how lol are these OG photos of the contestants? They look nothing like themselves. Anyway, I bet you thought I’d list Emma first didn’t you!!! But I like to throw curve-balls, and the curve-ball is this – I see absolutely 0.00000% chemistry between Matt and Helena. They are like two eggs in a pot, fighting desperately to stay as far away from each other as possible as they… boil… to death. God I’m really not on the ball with comparisons today am I.
Anyway, Helena seems far too serious for jokesy jokester Matt, in my opinion.
6. Sogand
I can see you screaming “WHAT ABOUT STAGE FIVER EMMA!” but hear me out – Sogand is really holding onto the Abbie shit far too hard. Yes, Abbie was a big of a manipulative shit telling Matt about Mon’s “dogcunt” business, but really at this point all Sogand has to go on is that, plus some time when Abbie told everyone she didn’t want kids for ages but has now said she wants them in 3-5 years. TBH 3-5 years is kind of “ages” anyway, IDK it just feels a bit like she’s hung up on some archaic bullshit at this point and needs to let the Abbie thing go.
The feeling I have in my waters is that Sogand’s going to bring more Abbie stuff up with Matt, who will be like “this is too much bitchiness now” and end up booting her for causing drama. I could be wrong, but at this point it feels like Sogand’s just there to stir the pot.
5. Emma
OKAY. HERE SHE IS. I know most The Bachelor Australia fans feel Emma is batshit insane, but if you’re really honest with yourself, don’t you feel like she WAS insane and she’s made very few stage fiver comments of late? I feel like she’s in the “ugh ELLY” camp for sure but tbf I would be too, it’s annoying how much Matt froths that woman blatantly in front of the others.
Anyway, I don’t think Emma will win because I actually think Matt has glanced at her 2 times this season. But I also think Helena and Sogand will go before she does, because Emma is (these days) inoffensive and here for the right reasons.
4. Chelsie
Controversy alert! I just don’t think Chelsie and Matt are gonna be a thing. I know their date was fucking cute, if completely unhygienic (bits of cake in the pool, anyone?) but their second date where they careened down the side of that hotel for no good reason felt really flat to me.
I know Chelsie is shy, but a) why are you on this show then and b) there’s shyness and then there’s just simple lack of vibes. I reckon the mood between Chelsie and Matt is lack of vibes, not a shyness thing.
3. Elly
Omg I have gone ROGUE! I’ve gone rogue! I’m sticking my nose up at all the rumours and trends! I am shitting on everyone’s dreams of seeing Elly and Matt 2getha4eva!
Sorry, but this is my list and I can do what I want – and what I want, no, BELIEVE, is that Elly and Matt are not destined. I think she was the OG hot contender but slowly over time, their immediate chemistry has cooled off. I know, I know – he keeps picking her for dates blah blah. I just don’t believe in it. I’m sorry! She’s adorable and lovely I just can’t see them living some city life in Melbs together.
2. Abbie
So up until Thursday’s circus carnie episode, I wasn’t a fan of Abbie. I did think she was a manipulative attention-seeking twat who was only on the show to get maximum Insta likes. But! That changed when she had her flying sex tornado date with Matt.
I feel like Abbie’s playing up her sexual chemistry with Matt, which is undeniably there, but missing the fact they actually have great personality chemistry too. Matt, to me, seems most at ease around Abbie. They laugh and seem to have a good, natural time together.
I think over the next couple of weeks this will be made more obvious to us viewers as the producers ramp her up to be a hot contender. Also, I have her in the sweeps. Just congratulate me for not putting her at #1 ok? Because I could have been self centred and done that.
1. Kristen
I have been on this bullshit for WEEKS, you guys – Kristen has always been the dark horse, and she’s gonna take this thing out. Here’s why.
She’s smart (China researcher) and sweet. Matt is smart and seems to be drawn to the women who are a bit goofy and adorable (see: Elly). Their date was the first time we really saw Kristen’s personality, and she was super funny and dorky.
But she’s also kinda sexy and it’s clear Matt and Kristen have that chemistry (which IMO I don’t see with him and Elly).
There also doesn’t seem to be one iota of “maybe she’s just here for Instagram” like there is potentially with Abbie. So I reckon we’ll get a top two of Abbie and Kristen, but Kristen will take it out.
There we go guys, enjoying the absolute blasting I’m about to cop on Facebook for daring not to list Elly as #1 The Bachelor Australia winner 2019!
