After a fairly dull episode of The Bachelor Australia last night, tonight’s was… a hot potato. Yep, some of the women vying for the heart of Jimmy Nicholson got a bit nasty, and while I love drama, this was a bit much even for me.

I’m Josie, Head of Editorial at PEDESTRIAN.TV and while I am a noted lover of a) reality TV drama and b) the c-word, I’m not a huge fan of when those two things combine. Let’s take a look back at what went down.

We kick things off in the Bachelor Australia mansion with a very important visitor — no, not Osher popping out of his home in the wall, but Billie, who is Jimmy’s adorable dog. The girls all throw themselves at something other than Jimmy for a change.

The Bachelor Australia
Channel Ten make Billie the 2022 Bachelorette you cowards

It’s Holly who gets to go on a date third-wheeling Jimmy and Billie. Stephanie is really pissed off, saying to camera that “Holly sucks, man”.

She claims that Holly is always working overtime to get Jimmy’s attention. Playing devil’s advocate here but… isn’t that the point of this show? It’s The Bachelor Australia! The name of the game is throwing yourselves at a man to get his attention so you win! Am I wrong here?

The Bachelor Australia
weird that she’d talk to the man we’re all here to talk to but ok

Some more MG product placement and Jimmy and Holly set off for yet another sludge-infested body of water to do some stand-up paddle-boarding.

subtle

Billie tags along too, but part of me feels like she is a little bit reluctant to.

The Bachelor Australia
I swear to fkn god if I drown in this sludge I will haunt you

It starts pissing down and between that, the sludge, and the narrowly avoiding double drowning of Holly and Billie, it’s not a huge vibe. Jimmy decides to change all that by snogging Holly to distract her. Good move.

The Bachelor Australia
this should distract from that rubbish floating past

Back at The Bachelor Australia mansion and the show’s editors aren’t pulling any punches here — we open with Stephanie calling Holly a “cunt”. Of course it’s edited out, but she already called her a bitch to-camera and that didn’t get beeped. So my powers of deduction lead me to believe that a c-bomb was dropped here today.

The other girls don’t all disagree though. Tatum says she avoids Holly like the plague, and says she’d prefer to live with Billie the dog. Stevie preaches that if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all. Sierah, for once in her life, is quietly contemplative.

*resists urge to scream CUNT*

Back on the date and because of the rain, Jimmy takes Holly back to the Bachelor Pad, where apparently it’s time for some limp carbonara courtesy of YouFoodz. Jimmy is really leaning into that bachelor lifestyle, huh. He can’t even pick up his phone and get UberEats for tea??? I cannot.

The Bachelor Australia
this soggy paper looks delicious

Anyway, thanks to a Newcastle Pour of wine to mask the soggy pasta, Jimmy and Holly get to know each other. Holly wants to know what the future is in terms of Jimmy’s career as a pilot. Does he want to do long-haul? Would he be gone for long amounts of time? Jimmy confirms that he does want to go into international flights but points out that his parents made it work when his dad was away flying.

Holly talks about her parents’ separation and points out that for her, marriage isn’t the be all and end all. As a child of separated parents myself, say it louder hun!

Despite Stephanie’s catty prediction that Holly would come home sans rose and kiss, she gets the rose and about 100 more makeout sessions.

Group date time and it seems as though the girls are going to be participating in the Triwizard Tournament for some one-on-one time with Jimmy.

The Bachelor Australia
meet your champions

It starts pissing down and the girls get more and more  disoriented, but Brooke has her eye on the prize and makes it through the maze.

don’t do it Brooke! he’s a portkey!

The other girls are openly devo about it, because Brooke’s had a single date and more time with Jimmy. Brooke, looking illegally good for someone who is sitting in the fucking rain, shares a Newcastle Pour of champagne with Jimmy and decides now is the time to reveal she enjoys medieval cosplay.

The Bachelor Australia
when is a good time to bring up the Renaissance Faire

Jimmy calls her a nerd. Apparently his nerdiest trait is “liking cooking shows”, but I’ve seen the YouFoodz Jimmy, I don’t believe you!

Once we get to the cocktail party, tension is rife amongst the Bachelor Australia gals with Brooke explaining that there’s girls who haven’t really talked to Jimmy yet that are dying for some one-on-one time. Holly tells the group that she won’t be approaching Jimmy because there’s not much time. But upon arriving, it’s clear Jimmy didn’t get the memo, and asks Holly to go off for a chat.

The women inside the Bachelor Australia mansion watching on don’t realise that Jimmy grabbed Holly and not the other way around, so Stephanie decides to go all in and call her a cunt again. We know it’s the c-word because Brooke confirms it, saying it’s “not okay”.

The Bachelor Australia
mum will yell at me if I say it

Before the drama comes into play, Jay yoinks him off to the Business Lounge for another game — this time is ping pong, which is loosely related to her living in London and wanting to go to Wimbledon or something? Who cares, we’re heading back outside where Brooke, who insists she’s not a gossip, decides to go and tell everyone that Stephanie called Holly a cunt. I get it: it’s gossip for the greater good!

I’m not a gossip, but get a load of this gossip

Carlie and Tahnee are both really offended, with Carlie pointing out that women shouldn’t call other women out like that. Holly strolls up and Brooke and Carlie instantly blurt “someone called you the c-word”.

Holly is upset, and agrees with Carlie that no woman should call another woman that word. And when the rest of the gals walk up, you know that it’s gonna be game on, as Holly says she won’t let it slide. I’m here for this, because as much as I enjoy throwing around the c-bomb myself, there’s something gross about using it to describe another woman.

Holly says we’re not in high school, to which Stephanie shoots back that Holly’s behaviour is slightly more inappropriate than hers — she’s still salty about Holly grabbing Jimmy’s ass in front of all of them.

When Holly openly accuses her of calling her a “see you next Tuesday”, Stephanie says “I never called you a cunt” about a million times. Sorry for another Harry Potter reference but everyone else wincing like she’s saying “Voldemort” is very funny to me.

The Bachelor Australia
don’t say his NAME Harry

Stephanie says she didn’t say it, even though she was caught on camera saying it twice in the episode. Once again, she seems to have forgotten that she’s on The Bachelor Australia. There are people capturing every word, doll.

those video cameras… record me?

Holly tearfully says to camera that if it wasn’t for Jimmy, she’d be gone. Meanwhile, Stephanie doubles down on denying it and says she’d LOVE to hear the playback, which Channel 10 helpfully provides. She clearly says it… and into Brooke’s ear, no less.

I agree, the prosecution’s evidence is flimsy at best

I definitely thought there was gonna be some kind of “quick tell Jimmy” crisis meeting and then Jimmy quietly walking Stephanie off the show, but we go straight to rose ceremony.

Osher comes in to do some sad maths, saying that there’s 15 women left but only 13 roses to give out, which means two women will be leaving tonight. Surely Mr Producer Man has been briefed to tell Jimmy to keep Stephanie around for drama purposes, but I feel like if he knew what went down, he would boot her into the sludge.

Sassy Voiceover is provided by Stephanie saying that Holly is “full of shit” and Brooke, saying that Jimmy needs to see “the real Steph”. We see a parade of women get the rose, including the C-Word Denier herself.

The Bachelor Australia
if anyone tells him about this I will cut them

You can tell that Brooke and Holly are inwardly fuming about this decision. In the end, it’s Tamlyn and Hannah who end up going home. It might be a blessing, given that the Bachelor Australia mansion was probably not the most pleasant place to be after this Holly / Stephanie drama.