Yesterday, human wet blanket with fake sounding name, Donald McDonald, Acting Director of the Australian Classification Board, announced that Saints Row IV – the cartoonishly rendered dubstep/seapunk version of Grand Theft Auto that is clearly satirical and not to be taken seriously – had been banned in Australia due to “visual depictions of implied sexual violence”. And we now know exactly what he means by that.
According to a report released by the most draconian board in town, the game was refused classification because of implied sexual violence, specifically, “the game includes a weapon referred to by the Applicant as an “Alien
Anal Probe”. The Applicant states that this weapon can be “shoved into
enemy’s backsides”. The lower half of the weapon resembles a sword hilt
and the upper part contains prong-like appendages which circle around
what appears to be a large dildo which runs down the centre of the
weapon. When using this weapon the player approaches a (clothed) victim
from behind and thrusts the weapon between the victim’s legs and then
lifts them off the ground before pulling a trigger which launches the
victim into the air. After the probe has been implicitly inserted into
the victim’s anus the area around their buttocks becomes pixelated
highlighting that the aim of the weapon is to penetrate the victim’s
anus. The weapon can be used during gameplay on enemy characters or
civilians. In the Board’s opinion, a weapon designed to penetrate the
anus of enemy characters and civilians constitutes a visual depiction of
implied sexual violence that is interactive and not justified by
context and as such the game should be Refused Classification.”
The board also took umbrage with the use of “alien narcotics” to incentivise players and boost their character’s abilities.
“The game contains an optional mission which involves the player obtaining and smoking drugs referred to as “alien narcotics”. Smoking the “alien narcotics” equips the player with “superpowers” which increase their in-game abilities allowing them to progress through the mission more easily.”
Now you know, game developers. You’ll have to do more than put the word “alien” in front of “anal probe” or “narcotics” to throw off the Australian Classifications Board.
