During the ad breaks on tonight’s episode of The Bachelor, you might have noticed not only that you can now audition to compete in the next season, but that there’s a new Ali Oetjen in The Bachelorette promo.
In it we are introduced properly to the first Bachie dude we’re supposed to think is a frontrunner, but who is a little bit too intense and maybe not wow-I’m-having-hot-flushes hot to actually win imo.
Let’s begin!
Here’s Oetjen speaking her truth about how she hopes Osher will reel her in, because she always falls in love too quickly and too easily (see: Tim Robards in season one of The Bachelor, and Grant Kemp in season one of Bachelor in Paradise):
It’s no secret that I’ve had my fair share of relationship drama over the years. I always fall for the wrong guys faster than the speed of light. I’m going to keep myself in check and not fall in love straight away this time.
But whoopsy, straight away, there’s a NSW builder called Charlie/Mr. Perfect ticking all the boxes! Relationships: they’re just about ticking boxes. Chemistry is for suckers. Connection, intimacy, all for suckers. Just write a list of things you want in a potential partner and follow that to the letter and everything will work out fine.
Sweaty Charlie is “here to find somebody, find love“. And he’s not afraid to say he wants to settle down with kids and a white picket fence and shit. This is Australian dream territory. The bloke wants to have it all!
“So much for taking things slow, Charlie seems perfect for me. How am I not going to fall in love with this guy? Seriously! Help!”
Osher please help your friend Ali here make better choices this time. Isn’t this your responsibility?
As per Ten Daily‘s story on Charlie, he apparently gives Oetjen a handmade journal – everyone needs a gimmick – to write in over the course of the series, including a note on the front page from her suitor: “As we spend time together I hope to have my name written on each and every page, but at the end of each day at least I know, I’ll always have this one.”
Yuck.
Our premiere date is Wednesday October 10 if you’re interested in seeing what happens with Charlie. I assume he’ll make it to the final four after pulling a full Jarrod Woodgate all season and then be crushed mercilessly. Poor Charlie.
