Just Gonna Say It: ‘MasterChef’ Twist Week Absolutely Fucken Sucks

Are you watching MasterChef: Back to Win‘s massively pumped up “Twist Week”? Why. Why would you do that to yourself. Why would any sane human being subject themselves to this bullshit. Twist Week is objectively the worst thing to happen to the MasterChef oeuvre since that desert headed git Adriano Zumbo brought the croquembouche – a truly hideous asshole of a dish that’s forever an apricot glaze short of being a reviled staple of 70s dinner parties – through the door. I hate Twist Week. It fucken sucks.

Here’s the thing though: It’s not a bad concept. In theory, it’s great. A week of modifiers and twists on the various established themes is a great idea.

But in execution, the way they’ve carried it all out this week, the twists have ranged from “unnecessary bullshit” to “absolute cruel bastardry.”

From the moment it was announced last week and Channel Ten began promoting it in a corner graphic with the S in “Twist” stylised backwards like a culinary Korn, red flags should’ve been raised. And then from the moment we began down this idiotic path, it’s been one rogue production haymaker after another.

Who on earth thought it’d be a tip top idea to judge an entire team on food that the other team cooked 50% of? What absolute rank dumbass thought inducing bulk panic attacks by yoinking away a multi-page recipe for an hour would be good TV? Why on earth are we cramming new ingredients into a dish mid-cook like a bong-ripping undergrad making a 4am omelette?

Honestly, Twist Week should have been simple. It should have been so straightforward. Give them a dessert challenge but unplug all the freezers. Put them in a race to see who can whip egg whites into fluffy white peaks the fastest but make them do it blindfolded. Get IKEA to do a sponcon stunt and have contestants build a flatpack kitchen bench before they can begin cooking.

That’s what should’ve happened. Instead we got mean spirited crap designed to elevate stress levels and unfairly excise people from the competition.

It has been absolute hell watching this all unfold this week. What on earth could they possibly have left (except for Katy Perry)?

Oh, we made steak the hero ingredient so you’ve been cooking a savoury dish for three hours? Lol it’s a dessert challenge now you fool!

We’re turning the clock off so you’ll have no idea how long the cook is, and we’ll only tell you when there’s two minutes left! Good luck, asshole!

At some point during the challenge, Jock is gonna straight up knock your shit onto the floor! You won’t know when! He’ll just do it!

Fuck Twist Week, man. I hate this shit SO MUCH.