Australia Collectively Screams For An Hour As Ines Makes Her ‘MAFS’ Debut


RIGHTO: tonight’s episode of Married At First Sight was a bloody fork to the eyeball. I don’t mean Martha and Michael, they’re a delight – their names start with the same letter. I’m talking about Ines (Ines? Innes? Iiiiines? Toxic woman????) and Bronson (“Brendan HahHHHAhahHah”).

[jwplayer WN6Q3XAn]

Where to begin? At first glance, we don’t mind Ines. She’s a legal assistant “really passionate about human rights”, she’s confident, and knows what she wants. Sure, okay, let’s do this.

The first words she says to entrepreneur Bronson are, “Hi Bronson, can we get rid of your eyebrow ring please.” 


OH HO but wait. Ines tells producers, “The first time I saw him I wanted to punch him in the jaw. I don’t know why, it was just my instincts.” 

Who says that? 

“I don’t know anyone with an eyebrow ring except for lesbians who work at McDonalds drive thru.” 

Jesus fuck. 

Not to mention, she described Bronson as having an “inbred vibe” just because he’s from the country.

Now, take that one long-extremely-atrocious-insult and multiply it by about ten because that’s the rest of their portion of the episode. Why? Because Ines finds out Bronson used to be a stripper – quelle horreur – and declares it’s “gross” before proceeding to tell everyone Bronson used to be a stripper.

“The fact he was a stripper, that is purely disgusting to me. That’s like me saying, yesterday I was a heroin addict and today I’m not,” she said. “This is pure bottom of the barrel. This is mortifying, it’s purely disgusting.”

Bronson cannot even sleep in a GODDAMN ONESIE ON THE COUCH THE SIZE OF HIS THIGH without Ines saying something rude. And what does he do? He goes with it.  He just goes. with. it. 

Meanwhile, across the country.


But, look, the episode wasn’t all bad.

Martha and Michael’s ceremony was genuinely adorable  and I may or may not have semi-sobbed when Martha’s grandma got all emotional.

In conclusion: Bronson mispronounced Ines’ name and made a joke that it sounded like anus.