Last night’s Love Island Australia was one of those semi-borza filler eps, with newbies Kory and Mark/Matt/something entering the villa and choosing the single ladies they wanna spoon with for a week. Elsewhere, Shelby’s suddenly madly into Dom, and New Guy continues to float around aimlessly, continuing to baffle all of us with his presence.
We open with everyone playing silly buggers in what is an extremely producer-choreographed “fun” scene.
All the fun and games is OVER in minutes though, when Erin loses her absolute shit over Eden playfully picking up Millie.
There’s an actual part of their fight where Erin asks Eden where Millie’s vagina was placed on his body. THAT WAS AN ACTUAL PART OF THE CONVERSATION. Incredible.
They get over it and make up, boring.
In the morning the girls make the boys do some fitness training, and honestly is this what we have come to? This is considered exciting content now? For the love of god, send some absolutely cooked human beings into this villa to stir up shit immediately.
Shelby has a convo with Amelia about how Dom, her new love interest as of 5 minutes ago, has the “flanter” (stop using that word) that Jax was missing, the “funny side”. I’m sorry but have we just never been shown any of Dom’s comedic moments or something bc this man is about as funny as the piece of wet cardboard that got stuck to my boot on the walk to work this morning.
New Guy (my GOD when will this guy go, my joke has become too long-running and now I look stupid) also has a go at cracking onto Shelby, because he has tried to crack onto everyone single and she’s the last one left. He reckons their convo flowed but cop this body language from Shelby:
Tayla and Dom have a scissor, paper, rock game (yes, really) and because Dom loses he has to go kiss a girl. Because we are in primary school and can’t just kiss people in a normal, organic way. He obviously chooses Shelby and gives the most chaste, nothing kiss ever. Honestly, I went through a phase where I would get really drunk and give everyone in my vicinity “friendship kisses”, bc who the fuck thinks a peck on the lips is ANYTHING these days. MY GRANDMA USED TO PECK YOU ON THE LIPS GOODBYE. Even if you didn’t know her. You feel me?
Even though the kiss was so completely chaste, New Guy looks completely gutted at the news.
Millie, Mac and Shelby are then off to meet the two new beige dudes. Can you even with this set up. I actually love it, someone get me to a bar with one table and literally no sign of human life anywhere in my vicinity, I hate people!
I know I said the guys were beige but now that they’re here they’re more “I’m from Bondi I hang out only at Mrs Sippy and Pelicano and I own an entire wardrobe of boat shoes”.
They get absolutely GRILLED by the girls. Like straight in with “do you want to be a dad? How many long term relationships have you had?”
Back at the villa, Grant and Tayla have a nude massage.
And then fuck under the doona while Erin faffs around looking for clothes.
I guess they have nowhere to go get their rocks off, but it’s still supremely uncomfortable and nope I’d rather be celibate for a month thanks.
The boys enter the villa and this ridiculous moment happens with Erin, who seems to have taken her “I’m Eden’s and he’s mine back off” vibes to an extreme and unhinged level, where people can’t even greet her with a cheek kiss now.
Also this guy’s name is Kory with a ‘K’, so he can now be Kory Kardashian.
The other guy, whose name I have completely forgotten because it isn’t Kory Kardashian, is getting roasted for his extremely white teeth which is mean but also, they are very, very white.
Then it’s time for these dudes to choose their partners in the villa. Kory chooses Millie, Mark (I’ve figured out his name!) chooses Mac. What a surprise.
Shelby’s left to decide who she wants to couple up with, and of course chooses Dom. He looks stoked and shows off his trademark sense of humour she loves so much.
Riveting stuff from Dom, folks.
Anyway! Next re-coupling is apparently the FINAL ONE but knowing this show, they’ll probs send in like 40 new guys and girls before that happens since everyone’s horny to be on Love Island.
