We are still in that bit of Love Island Australia where things are pretty borza and I spend a lot of time shopping on my phone during the show. Guys, can you pick it up a little? I’m haemorrhaging cash because of you.
[jwplayer r9SlIwU8]
So we come back to Aaron having to make his difficult yet not-at-all-hard decision of who to save. Clearly the only two girls with any chance of love in this house were Biannca and Jessie, and that’s exactly who he picks. Tea, and FAIR ENOUGH, looks salty as fuck.
Gerard has his 5-year-old-at-a-birthday-party face firmly on. We say bye to Angel and Tea, who make far too much noise as they leave. Guys, don’t you know when you’ve had 0.02 seconds in the Love Island villa you should just slowly fade into the shrubbery as you vacate the premises?
Then we’re treated to everyone’s favourite (not) – Anna and Josh kissing loudly with maximum saliva sounds.
Adam and Cartier, my favourites (even if I’m still mildly suss on Adam) have a typically cute convo where Adam’s all “I’ve never had anything like what I have with Cartier”.
Yoghurt and Jessie have a chat – he’s happy she’s still here, she’s not mad at him, boring BORING BORINGGGGG! I’m not here for amicable splits, I’m here for people throwing their personalised drink bottles at the wall and crying in the pool!
She then goes to chat with Gerard, they like each other, blah blah. I don’t know guys, I’m just not invested in anyone except Cartier/Adam! I need FRESH MEAT.
They kiss, who cares.
Then Biannca chats to Aaron about his ~intentions~. He says he finds her and Jessie attractive, but also likes Isabelle. Because everyone likes Isabelle. The guy who does voice-overs probably likes Isabelle.
Cassie and Luke chat – he is upfront about his attraction to Isabelle and the fact they kissed, which Cassie just loves to bits.
Personally I think Luke nailed it, but I also get why Cassie is shitty. She saw him come back in solo and was all wooo yeah my mans likes me, but then he’s like actually until 5 minutes ago I was tonguing Isabelle soz about it.
He says his attraction to Isabelle was fleeting and now he’s 100% in for Cassie. I think I believe him?? Cassie also seems to be 50/50… but then she talks to Isabelle. Her story lines up but what throws Cassie is that Luke was still into Isabelle up until just before the recoupling.
It’s really nice seeing girls supporting girls – Cassie breaks down over feeling like she’s competing again, and Isabelle reassures her they’re not in competition. Love this for them. Cassie then – in batshit yet amazing areas – goes and berates Luke for leading Isabelle on.
Something that is cute – Luke says he likes fiery Cassie, and he’d prefer her being angry than not being there. That’s kind of nice, that he likes all facets of her personality. God, I’m turning into a weak bitch aren’t I.
Everyone’s in bed making out, except for AARON OH MY GOD.
I am so alarmed. Who sleeps like that? DEMONIC ENTITIES, THAT’s WHO.
In the morning Cassie and Luke make up. Then it’s time for Aaron’s dates with Biannca and Jessie. They go to a… paw paw plantation.
Their date is fine, then Jessie goes to the same spot. Did they just leave Aaron there for hours, waiting? Was he regenerating in a cave because he’s a vampire and needed darkness to give him energy? I need to know these things.
Jessie wears the most anxiety-inducing top I’ve ever seen. I’m all for tits out/proud of my body vibes but I also all women know the deep fear of tops like this:
Their date is marginally better than the Biannca one. I don’t think Aaron is sticking around.
Meanwhile Isabelle’s shoving Matt right into the friendship corner. He is like “all g bb” but also like “I am dead inside”.
He asks Anna to hang out with him til he feels a bit better, and is all “we’re attractive why doesn’t anyone want us?” – mate, welcome to 2019 dating where no one wants anyone and we all end up alone.
Also, can Anna and Matt be a thing? They’re so fucking cute.
Jessie had fun on the date but is still more into Gerard, then Isabelle goes to talk to Aaron because she feels a bit of a spark. He tells her all this heavy shit about the army and she’s like:
Then there’s a lovely game that’s simply an excuse for pashing.
Best point was when Jessie did this:
And Anna yells out “PROSTITUTE!!!!!!” omg. Jessie actually laughs it off but also looks like maybe she’s a bit pissed.
Someone gets a text – one couple gets to go to the Hideaway and everyone picks Cartier and Adam. Guys, fuck these two are cute. Adam seems to really respect Cartier’s Christian modesty and he doesn’t talk shit with the guys. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I also love Cartier’s attempts at not wearing lingerie in front of all the dudes by putting on an absolutely enormous t-shirt.
So they go into the Hideaway and this uncomfortably intense-romantic music plays, it’s like this woman softly and emotionally singing “I think I’m falling for you”, like a wedding song vibe, while they kiss chastely in bed.
Like, the whole thing is set up as though Adam’s deflowering Cartier on her wedding night. Look at this shot.
I was so uncomfortable I became one with my mattress. I no longer exist, I am now Mattress Woman.
Anyway that’s all that happened, someone had better leave in dramatic scenes and/or throw their water bottle at the wall in the process soon or I’m going to lose my goddamn mind trying to make these recaps interesting.
