Kyle Sandilands is Sorry for Chucking So Many Sickies

Today, Bachelor-baiter and occasional on-air vomiter Sandilands has blamed his show’s ratings slide on his frequent absences due to illness, telling News Limited that everything goes completely to shit when he’s not around.

“If I’m not there, people do flick around,” he said. “So it’s all about me. If I’m not there then it’s shit. Jackie does half a good job on there,” he continued. “She is great though. I do admire her and enjoy working with her very much.”

Jackie O has not commented, but is presumably spending the weekend sticking pins in her Kyle Sandilands voodoo doll.

Speaking about his health over the last few months, the DJ said that “I had high blood pressure and sleep apnoea – some days I would wake up and I’d been starving myself of oxygen by not breathing throughout my sleep.” 

He has a sleep apnoea mask, but claims he doesn’t wear the clunky device, lest it upset his partner Imogen Anthony. “It’s very unromantic looking, and my girlfriend is a 23-year-old hot model,” he said. “She’s like, ‘put your mask on’, and I’m like, ‘no’. 

Over the past several months, Sandilands has been criticised for his sluggish on-air behaviour. He was admitted to hospital in May due to a blood pressure scare, and in July, he vomited into a bin while live on air.

In August, reliable news source New Idea printed and then apologised for a questionable piece claiming that Sandypants would only have six months to live if he did not curb his weight gain and lay off cigarettes and fast food.

Whether it was that, or the influence of his 23-year-old hot model girlfriend, the DJ has cleaned up his act and claims he has now returned in good health. “I’m back now. I’m not dying of sleep deprivation,” adding there’s now “no excuse” for not being number one.  

That’s right, everybody, Kyle is back, and we have many, many, many, many, many, many, many more years of him to look forward to.